What to muse about today?

November 18, 2012

20121118-195227.jpgThis little girl has no idea how much I love her.  After today, especially.  We had a pretty good morning, nap, play date with a little friend, crunchy peanut butter and apple jam sandwich, goldfish and then another nap!  Yay for nap time!

She ended up taking a second nap today, the first was maybe 40 minutes, but she was upstairs for about an hour and a half, most of the non sleep time, singing.  The second time, there was much less singing and a bit more sleeping, maybe an hour’s worth.  She woke up, and we heard a thump.  Then some tipy-toe feet and then a bit of crying.  I went to get her, and found her looking very upset and embarrassed, sitting in the middle of a huge mess.  She had had an accident in her sleep, and tried to put on a new pair of underwear, and then, when that didn’t work, a pull-up.  Without actually taking off her pants and underwear.

I couldn’t believe how much of a mess she had made.  It was like there was poop everywhere, her pillow, the bed frame, her new crocheted blanket, the floor.  Oh, god.  The carpet.

Up to today, she’s not attempted to hide or clean up her accidents, though she’s always deeply upset by them.  To be fair, she’s not really had that many of them.  Most times, it’s just pee, and even then, only really at nap time, since she’s not really ready to go overnight yet.

Anyway, I got her into the bath tub and peeled all four layers of clothes off.  She kept asking me to not be upset.  I told her, repeated, that I wasn’t upset, but that we did need to get her cleaned up.  I told her that it was an accident.  We don’t get mad over accidents.  I did say that I wish she had called us up before she tried to fix it, to take care of it.  That she had made a bit of a mess that there might not have been, if there was someone helping her.  That it’s ok to ask for help, that sometimes everyone needs help.

All of her bedding is in the machine, with the crochet blanket waiting for the next round.  Fingers crossed that it comes through a wash ok.  I think that’s was I was most upset about.  That she got poop her the blanket I crocheted for her.  The carpet?  Well, somehow we can get that cleaned up – I think I got most of it cleaned up.

One good thing did come out of this, she actually enjoyed the shower after much protesting.  I explained that the handheld shower would be the best thing instead of a bath for this clean up.  She’s asked to take a shower this week instead of a bath.  She’s getting so big.


March 21, 2011

So, today’s news wasn’t good.  The placenta hasn’t moved, and probably won’t.  It’s still marginal.  Even if it moves a lot, there’s still the issue of all the blood vessels that are there, and cross the opening of the cervix.  No escaping it, I will be having a c-section.

Visit to the High-Risk people was a bit odd today.  They did everything backwards.  I met with the doctor first, when I usually see them after the ultrasound, so there’s something more to discuss.  The doctor was nice enough.  Asked how I was doing, checked swelling, recommended unisom for my sleeping trouble – but nothing for the pain.  It’s the pain that’s keeping me up, not just a simple insomnia.  Then, the conversation sort of floundered – He didn’t check the baby’s position, we couldn’t discuss birthing options, as we didn’t know where the placenta was.  I, of course, had questions after the ultrasound, but didn’t have a doctor then to talk to.

Then I got to sit with the nurse to have heparin training.  I’m being switched to heparin from Lovenox.  The heparin is two shots a day, and you need to fill the syringes, they don’t come pre-filled like the Lovenox do.  I hate doing the shots, but if I have a choice, Lovenox is the preferred shot.  Rum or lemon drops would be better, but that’s a different story.

The heparin training went well.  I remembered most of it from last time.  I joked that she prescribed me 100 needles and 60 doses/vials.  Better safe than sorry.  I’m sure they’ll put me back on Lovenox after delivery anyway.  This time around, they can actually take the extra doses of heparin and Lovenox, and get them to people who need them but can’t afford their medication.  There wasn’t something like that last time.  That makes me feel good…  Sort of recycling for drugs.  LOL.

Finally, the ultrasound tech is ready for me.  Back we go.  I get situated on the table and she lubes up my belly.  Scanner on!  She confirms that the baby is indeed head down, and her feet and hands are off to my right – around 3:00.  The little one is still a bit oblique, but yay!  Head down!  Next, off in search of the placenta, which is still covering the cervix.  Wonderful. 

By this time my back is beginning to scream.  The tech notices I’m very uncomfortable.  I ask if I can sit up for a minute and she said it was fine.  We chat about babies, and sizes and things.  I tell her about how I can’t sleep on my left or even reclined thanks to my stupid hip.  That I get to go to the chiro after we’re done there.  We start off again, as she said she could get most of the measurements while I lay on my right side.  Oh, the relief!

An ear with hair

An ear with hair

Watching the measurements on the screen was a bit freaky.  They were all 2-3 weeks ahead.  This baby has become freakishly large again.  A watermelon.  LOL.  She’s back up in the low 90th percentile.  As the tech gets a head measurement, she comments that the baby has a lot of hair.  LOL.  That explains the almost non-stop heartburn.  Though Teagan had a bit of hair, and I had horrible heartburn with her too.

We then take a break, and swap to the wand to get a good view of the placenta previa.  Fun.  LOVE that wand.  A resident comes in to evaluate the situation.  Marginal.  Still.  Great.  The resident then calls a doctor in to confirm.  The two of them discuss, remeasure, discuss.  All the while my back is killing me.  After about 20 minutes, they have enough shots of my cervix and the placenta.  His recommendation is to do a c-section, scheduled at 37.5 weeks.  Amnio before hand to check out lung development. 

Crap!  That’s next week!

Measurements for this not-so-little one put her at 7.5 lbs at 36 weeks.  In four weeks she’ll be quite large.  Mid 11 pounds.  I may be happy for a c-section in the long run.  LOL!

Truth be told, I’m a little freaked out.  I called my OB to set up an appointment tomorrow to discuss things with an OB, they’ll be the ones that actually do the section, not the people I saw today.  I’ll be able to ask all sorts of questions, and maybe I’ll come out of the appointment with an actual date.

Is it the birth I want?  No.  But circumstances are what they are.  It’s not because of anything I did, or didn’t do.


February 16, 2011

Today I felt like a cow.  Tired of being pregnant, achy, uncomfortable.  My clothes don’t fit any more.  Overnight, they stopped fitting.  I’m not going to buy clothes I’m only going to wear for a month or so.  I’m tired of the swelling (yay for sock rings), the aches (lower and mid-back), pains, pressure, heartburn, cramps, Braxton Hicks, being out of breath.  Lightning pains.  Varicose veins, bleeding gums, runny nose.  Constipation.  Peeing 50 times a day.  Daily needles.  Insomnia.  Not being able to sleep on my back.  Stairs kill me.  Picking up Teagan hurts, feels like my insides are going to fall out.  It’s too early for them to fall out.  It’s too early to feel this bad.  The midwives say that second pregnancies are more uncomfortable.  Great.

The clothes are a bit worrying though.  I’ve actually lost weight this week, (yay me!), so it’s not that I’m growing out of them.  It has to be edema – swelling, fluid gain.  I don’t need another complication in this pregnancy.  There’s been enough already.

Tomorrow I find out if the baby is still breech.  I have a midwife appointment.  Although I’ve tried to do the exercises (yay for lying on the floor and getting out of breath!) as often as I can, I haven’t been able to do them every day.  There’s still time, that is, if the placenta moves.  Monday we have a scan to see how much it’s moved.  I hope it has.

Ok, enough wining about me.

Teagan was not a good sleeper last night.  I woke up around 4am, feeling crampy and achy.  Lower back ache.  Debated for a while if I should go down to the sofa, reposition (recline!) and try to distract from the icky feeling. 

Teagan decided that she was “all dun” sleeping and cried out, she wanted to eat.  No, she was wet.  No, stinky.  Bum!  She wasn’t.  I get her back down with a new pacifier (bubble!), covered her with a blankie, and went back to bed.  20 minutes later, she’s up again.  Wet.  Stinky.  Ok, I check again, her thin blanket is a bit wet, so off to the changing table we go.  Her diaper is wet, but not soaking.  Her pj’s were dry though.  Weird.  Back into bed, though she says “Eat, all dun.  Eat.  Wet.  Book.  Sit. Rock”  No baby, it’s bed time, back to sleep. 

Twenty minutes later, she’s up again.  Stu got up this time to settle her.  He closed the door, with the cat inside.  I get up to let the cat out.  He may have gotten up to her one more time before it was my turn again.  I may have dozed a bit.  Yay for me! 

So, I go to her, and still she’s saying “wet,” so I look around.  The front of her pj’s had a track down them.  She must have thrown up, just a little.  As I’m trying to get her to lie back down, she starts throwing up again.  Just a little.  I pick her up (ouch!) and rock her a bit, patting her on the back.  She snuggles in to my neck and appears to go back to sleep.  So back into her crib she goes. 

By now, it’s almost 6:30.  So when she wakes up (again!), I ask if she wants to come sleep in mama’s bed.  She nods.  So, back into bed we go.  She wants to pat dada, and give him a kiss.  No, sweetie, dada’s sleeping, ssshhhhh.  We need to sleep until the beep-beep-beep.  This works, she dozes for about 20 minutes and then wants to pet the cat, dada, go eat.

The alarm finally goes off.  Stu does not wake up.   Oops.  Teagan gives him a kiss.  Dada grunts, and rolls over.  He doesn’t feel well, but he gets up, gets her dressed and fed and takes her to day care.  I get to shower and drink my coffee, blearily, but calmly.


February 3, 2011

It was a beautiful drive this morning.  The sun shining through the ice on the trees.  Mountains of shimmery trees.  Breathtaking.

I had a prenatal visit this morning with my OB, not the High-Risk people.  OB visits I try to make with the mid-wives.  My OB has great mid-wives.  Today’s was the one who almost delivered Teagan.  She stuck with me all day through induction and labor, until she had to leave, due to an emergency with her husband.  So, I ended up pushing with the doctor, who ended up doing the actual delivery.

Anyway.  It was great to see her again.  She’s so wonderfully granola.  It was sort of like going home.  (Back when home was granola too, and not touristy mass-market).  I got yelled at, (nicely enough), for my weight gain – I really haven’t gained that much – though more than they wanted.  More than they want with a 93rd%ile baby, partial placenta previa, and a clotting disorder.   Blood pressure was good, everything else was good.  Baby is still breech – footling breech.  So, she gave me exercises to do to try to turn the baby.  They’re more like relaxing techniques than exercises – lying on a hard surface with hips raised by pillows for 10 minutes, on an empty stomach.  Ok, I can do that.  They suggest before lunch and dinner.  I can do breakfast and dinner…

This exercise should turn about 80% of breech babies.    Breech babies seems to be a bit more common in a second pregnancy, along with a few other factors (fibroids, which so many women have, and placenta previa.  I’ve got three possible causes.  Great.

So, Footling Breech seems to be one of the less common types of breech baby.  If the exercises don’t work, there aren’t too many options.  They don’t reccommend doing an external cephalic version with a placenta previa.  The external version can start labor, which they don’t want if you have a previa, even a marginal one.

Footling breech babies are also more prone, if delivered vaginally, head entrapment, leading to much more serious incisions than I want to have happen to certain areas.  There’s also the issue of cord prolapse being a serious, and all too common complication.  Most hospitals in the US won’t deliver a breech (any type of breech) baby vaginally.

It’s looking more and more like I’m going to end up with no choice.

Fingers crossed that 1.  The baby turns and 2.  The previa resolves.  I have another ultrasound to check in three weeks.


January 4, 2011

So we were watching Nick Jr. last night with Teagan – She really loves The Fresh Beat Band – and after it was over, this song came on.  Stu said “Hi Steve, so there you are.”   I was a bit confused at first, seeing the shaggy beard and shaven head.  And a tattoo.  But he was right, it was Steve from Blue’s Clues. With a tattoo!  And the guy from the Flaming Lips.  LOL!  I don’t think Teagan was as taken with the song as she is with Steve and Blue.

I’m pretty impressed.  And a little sad that it looks like his hair has gotten thin on top.  But he still has those big brown eyes :)


Teagan’s vocabulary is just bounding!  Today at day care she said “Hi Katie” (or attempted to) to the little girl that was already there.  She keeps trying to say snow, but it comes out as nooo.  She had a blast last night reading “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus,” repeating after dada about not letting the DUCK (still!) drive the bus.  She strings three and four words together, almost always remembers the Beezz (please) and about half the time will say, not sign, thank you.

Somewhere in the past two weeks, the little girl I’m carrying has hit viability.  I’ve had a conversation with Stu that was just odd:

“My uterus is the size of a soccer ball”

“What size?  A 3 or a 5?”

“Does it matter what size?  It’s a soccer ball!”

“Well, they are different sizes.  A 4 is for beach soccer, I think.”

LOL!  I swear the conversation went very much like that.  I must have just gotten a weekly milestone mail.  It’s not every day that I would bring up the size of my uterus.

So, viability.  A nice milestone.  I’m now just shy of 26 weeks, which is almost 30, which is not far from term.  Yikes!!


PS.  If the video doesn’t play – go here to see it


November 16, 2010

 So, everything went well at the big ultrasound today.  Baby was active, but generally behaving well.  Cooperating.  I was a bit anxious about today, as there’ve been some complications – bad NT scan combined with a bad screening, a CVS that almost didn’t happen, possibility of needing to wait for an Amnio.  Because of the NT scan results we’re at an elevated risk for congenetial heart issues.  I was anxious.

I didn’t need to be.  Everything was great at the scan today.  Four working chambers of the heart, everything seems to be working well, and we shouldn’t have a surprise when we go back for the echo.  Two hemispheres of the brain, a well-formed cerebellum, good umbilical blood flow, apprently well functioning kidneys.  The only “complication” from today is partial placenta previa, which they will be keeping track of, but they expect to resolve soon enough.

 So, all in all, good news today!  On with the pics!  The one above is the baby lounging, feet up.  Moving on to the profile:

 General sort of full-body shot with a creepy eye:

And the “potty shot.”  The tech caught a hand on the knee and one behind the butt…  baby is facing to the left of the screen.  Any guesses??


March 1, 2010

Another in what seems like a series of TMI entries… 

So, today was another sad day.  A follow-up to the umteenth ultrasound to check for retained tissue.  Two  weeks ago, they thought it was just endometrium.  No such luck it seems.  Last week, the follow-up showed that it was retained placental tissue with blood flow.  A bit more serious.  So, another round of Methergine to see if we can contract it out.  Doctor said that today would be a good follow-up to see if it worked.  Well, it seems that it didn’t.  There seems to be more tissue and now a corpus luteal cyst that wasn’t there last week.

I love that the Doctor who I met with after the scan is my “Bad News Doctor.”  He’s the one who gave me all my bad news when I was pregnant with Teagan.  He really is a nice guy though, very sweet demenor.

So, one last scan on Wednesday and if that still shows stuff, then off to the Women’s Center to have it aspirated out.  (It won’t be a D&C, it will be an aspiration, thankfully).  One full day off of work and then taking it easy afterwards.  Someone to drive me home and take care of me. (I’m not concerned about this last bit :) )

25 days ago, I wanted to avoid a medical procedure.  Today, I wish I had done it just to have this all over with. 

I’m tired of this whole process.  I want it to be over.  I want to not be broken any more. 



PS.  While waiting for the doctor after the scan, I started bleeding quite heavily.  Told the doc, and he said “good” and that we’ll see what the scan shows Wednesday.


February 20, 2010

So today brings me back to the sadness of the past two, well, more like three, weeks.  After today, I just need to write about it.  Happy posts will start back up tomorrow.  There is so much happy news.  This entry might be considered very TMI , so, reader be warned.

Our year started off with a surprising bang.  Positive pregnancy test.  Wow.  Unexpected.  I thought the due date was  the beginning of September.  The babies would be summer “bookends.”  Memorial Day and Labor Day.  We start coming up with nicknames, as we can’t call this the bump again.

Nausea and fatigue start up almost immediately and fill the weeks that follow.  I could barely keep my eyes open after 8pm.  I get an early visit with one of the mid-wives, an early ultra-sound scheduled to be followed by the actual OB, as I’m “complicated” with the DVT last time, and well, just being old.  Ok.  I can understand that. 

This news finally gets Stu and I to get our act together and put this house on the market and find a new, larger one.  A house with two nurseries.  And a guest room.  Uncluttering and cleaning take place in the few conscious hours a day I had.  Kept ourselves busy and got the house ready to list on January 25th.  The agent had priced it right, and it sold in under a week.  I love this house.  It really is a great house.  I wasn’t surprised it sold that fast.  I miss it already.

So, January just slipped by in the groggy blink of an eye.

Friday the 29th was the ultrasound appointment.   The day started off with excitement, of course.  We’d get to see the baby today.  I end up going to the doctor’s on my own, Stu had a meeting he couldn’t get out of.  I also had to bring Teagan, as she’s usually not in day care on Fridays.  Ooohs and aaaahs from the ladies and the PA’s in the office.  They hadn’t seen her since the six week (and 8 and 9 weeks) postpartum appointments.  The new u/s tech at the doctor’s office is a sweet lady and she’s talkative, which is always a nice thing.  You find out all sorts of neat things, and get to see the bean at interesting angles.  You usually get good pictures from a talkative tech.   So, the scan starts off well, she’s chatting, talking to Teagan, talking to me.  She’s pointing out gestational sacks, yolk sacks, fetal poles.  Goes in for her measurements, and starts talking a bit less.  She asks if I’m sure of my dates, which I was.  She mentions that things look a bit small, but as everything is there, she said she’s not worried.  She then looks for the heartbeat – I was 7 weeks, so there should have been a heartbeat.  Heartbeat is a bit slow.  She suggests that maybe I should talk to the doctor before I leave. 

I get sent to a small room to wait.  It’s the same doctor who delivered Teagan.  I’m asked again if my dates could be off two or three weeks.  No, they really couldn’t be.  So, I get the talk about how the growth seems to be at least two weeks delayed, and that coupled with a slow heartbeat has them concerned.  I get scheduled for a “viability” scan the following week, and told that if I start to miscarry to give them a call.

Nothing happens all week.  I try not to think about it.  Try to think positive thoughts.  It’s still not a sure thing.  Beans can have spurts and catch up.  Friday eventually comes, and I go back for the viability scan.  Stu and Teagan stay home.  If all is well, then he can come to the next one, and I didn’t feel like dragging him and Teagan along for bad news, if there was any bad news.  Well, the scan starts up a bit more soberly than the week before.  The tech immediately goes to find the heartbeat and tries for several minutes, but can’t find it.  There’s no heartbeat.  My heart drops.  I get sent to the room again to wait for the doctor.  I find a moment to call home and let Stu know that there wasn’t a heartbeat.  The doctor comes in and asks how I’m doing.  Asks if I want to schedule a procedure.  I say that I’m doing ok, as ok as can be expected, that if it’s ok, I’d like to not have a procedure if I don’t need to.  We’re going away for the weekend.  I don’t have time for a procedure.  How quickly can I get scheduled in if I change my mind?

The weekend is the wonderful weekend in PA, with snow and friends and geeky games and laughs.  Nothing really starts until late Monday, and truth be told, limps along until Wednesday.  I call in sick Wednesday.  And Thursday, and Friday to finish the week.  The doctor calls every day to see how I’m doing.  As things seem to be going ok, no need to schedule the procedure.  SHe just says that once I think everything is “done” that I should call to get another u/s to ensure that it was a complete miscarriage.  Ok.  After Sunday, things slow down again, so by Wednesday I call to schedule the follow up.  The tech is super nice, gives me a hug when I get in – while I still have my pants on.  She ends up saying she can’t find any fetal tissue, but there’s still some endometrial tissue.  A bit more than they like.  Again, I’m sent to the little room to wait for the doctor to come talk to me.  She says that we can still schedule a procedure, but she’d like to see if they can “push things along” with some medication.  She prescribes Methergine to start up contractions to see if that helps get the last of the tissue out. 

I took those pills today.  I spent the day nauseous and crampy.  A forceful and uncomfortable reminder of what’s still going on, of what we lost.  A reminder that things still aren’t done.  Today is another sad day, in too many sad days for so soon in the new year.  I do have an u/s picture though, it looks just like a diamond ring.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about the happy.  Promise.




August 24, 2009

Because I owe you a picture of Teagan sleeping :)

sleeping baby

She fell asleep while playing on her play mat this morning.  One  minute she’s beating up the lion, monkey and giraffe, and the next she’s out like a light.  Before her normal morning nap time too!

I’m not sure what’s up with her these past few days.  There used to be lots of happy and giggly Teagan, now, there are times when she just doesn’t want to be put down.  She becomes princess cranky-pants.  It’s not that she’s not getting enough sleep, though her nap schedule seems to have changed.  She’s eating a lot more than she normally does too.  I could be guilty of stuffing a breast in her mouth to get her to calm down and become my favorite giggle-face again.

Could be that three month growth spurt that I’ve been hearing about.  She doesn’t need another spurt.  Her two month one had her grow 2 inches and gain 2 pounds in just under a month.  Can’t she stay small for a bit longer?

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July 2, 2009

Picture 146

So, it’s six weeks since Teagan’s birth.  I still haven’t written up her birth story.  I do need to do that.  There are a few parts that need remembering, some, well, maybe not.  Those that are still lingering, definately  not.

A lot has happened in these six weeks, in no particular order:

  1. Teagan has gained just about 3 pounds – she’s 9 pounds 5 oz!  Little piglet!  She was born at 6 pounds 11oz, and left the hospital at 6 pounds 7oz. 
  2. Teagan is not quite out of the newborn size diapers.  But she’s close!  Too close.  <sniff>
  3. Teagan has slept an average of 4 hours straight, and occasionally we have a stretch of 6 hours!  Six glorious hours!  LOVE the sleep.  (There have also been a few times where she’s only gone two hours, but this isn’t often at all.  Maybe it’s a good thing that she’s gained some weight.)
  4. I have finished my Lovenox shots – as of last night!  This morning was the first morning in half a year that I did not needto get up and give myself a shot, (or have Stu do it).  Stu was a sweetheart as well, and took the morning shift with Teagan, so I got to sleep in luxuriously late – 8am!  Woo woo!  There will be a ceremonial “throwing out of the sharps container” tomorrow – we were too tired and hot today to bother.
  5. I have finished my “maternity leave.”  Work does a six week short term disability leave for “normal” birth, eight weeks for a c-section.  I am now on FMLA.  There are 10 weeks left of my leave.
  6. I have visited the closest day care center and gotten some information from them about leaving Teagan there once I go back.  I’m not happy about that – I got hit very hard by the blues that day, and still do when I think about it.
  7. Teagan has not needed the shield for nursing since Monday.  Yay!!  She’s just become a little less complicated to feed.  It’s been a long journey to get here though.  (Maybe another blog entry I owe.)
  8. Bella might have had a small stroke – her hind legs aren’t working so well, and she’s also lost a lot of weight…  maybe the weight that Teagan has found.  <sigh>
  9. I’ve had my six week post-partum doctor visit.
  10. I’ve lost all but four pounds of my pregnancy weight, though I still can’t fit into my clothes.  <sigh>  I’m almost there though.

There are a few things that haven’t happened though:

  1. I haven’t been able to shower before noon, except for one day.  I showered that day before Stu left for work, and he dealt with Teagan.  (I do usually get to shower, just doesn’t seem to happen before noon for some reason).
  2. I still have a tear that hasn’t healed.  (This is probably TMI).
  3. I have not been released by the doctor due to this un-healed tear.  (This is definitely TMI).
  4. My linea negra is still there! (Probably not TMI, just weird).
  5. We haven’t gotten Teagan on a schedule.  It’s probably way too early to think about it, but still.
  6. We also haven’t gotten the baby sign book, or started sign language with her yet.  Yeah, pretentious, but could be very helpful before our daughter has actual words.
  7. The bruises from my shots are still there, they haven’t gone away, although it’s just been 24 hours since the last shot.
  8. We haven’t left Teagan with a sitter – yet.  I’m sure we will soon enough though.
  9. I haven’t gotten my act together enough to have a weekly menu made up so we can shop and cook to it.  I do need to get better about that.  Food is necessary!
  10. I haven’t gotten all the thank you notes written, although I’m not too far behind. :)

And now, it’s time to go…  the piglet is crying, and I’m half asleep.