What to muse about today?

May 19, 2015 ~ Six? Six!

Joy of Cake

My baby turned six today.  I’m not quite sure how that happened.  But it did.

She’s turned into such a sweet and loving little girl.  Big girl.  One who is easily distracted by ants, but will give you her last piece of candy or french fry if she thinks you need it.  Or a petal from a flower, just because.  She’s a girl who is eager for approval and is almost always happy to get, or give, anyone a hug.  (We will need to talk to her about this, but not yet.  There’s still time for all those hugs.)

I worry sometimes about how sweet and sensitive she is.  How this could be a weakness, a frailty to be taken advantage of by people who just aren’t kind. I worry that her classmates in future years will be cruel to her because she wants to give the bus driver a flower.  Because she’s nice to someone they don’t believe is worth it.  This will be another thing that we put off, for fear of damaging that naïeve sweetness.  Eventually, she will need to toughen up, buttercup, and learn how to protect herself.

This past year has been a bit rocky, with lots of assessments, and screenings, and meetings, and appointments.  Finally, we have something that is helping Teagan be more Teagan, more focused, more there.  And more sweet.  It doesn’t help with everything, but hopefully, it will allow her to be able to help herself, something that was beyond her young abilities.

She’s become a world class snuggler.  I love that.

And I love her freckles.  And green eyes.  And smile.

Happy birthday to my lovely little big girl.  I can’t believe how far you’ve come.

More: Five.  Four.  Three.  Two.  One.  New.


May 18, 2015 ~ Dancing, Dancing, Done

Tap Costume

Finally.  Yesterday was the girls dance recital.  Actually, all weekend was the dance recital.  Saturday was the full dress rehearsal, Sunday the actual recital.  (The theme was LOVE).

Teagan had two dances, Ashlin just the one.  In the days before, Teagan seemed fine, a few nerves, but she remembered last year, so wasn’t too concerned.  Ashlin on the other hand, I think was a bit anxious.  She told me in the car on Friday that she was “a little nervous and a little scared, mama.” Oh, my sweet little girl.  I tried to reassure her, tell her that it was normal and that she’d be just fine.  Excellent, even.  She knew her dance.

Waiting is so hard when you are four

Saturday, Stu and I got the girls all dressed, with their dance hair and headed out for a long afternoon.  There was an issue with the sound, so the first few dances and the start of Teagan’s tap sounded like they were underwater.  After a minute of the girls not being sure what to do when they couldn’t hear the lyrics to their song, it got fixed.  Bad cable or something.  They had the girls restart their number, from the stage.  The girls danced well, but were a bit off.  I think it would have been better to have had them walk out again, a full reset.

Since the sound was fine by the time Ashlin went out, one song after Teagan, (which made for a bit of a frantic dressing schedule for me,) the preschoolers didn’t have any sound issues.  However, they had never been on a stage before, and seemed a bit overwhelmed by it.  One girl crowded the teacher, leaving a gap between the girls where she should have been.  But all seven of them did a fantastic job, even though some were scared of it being so dark backstage.

Silly Girls

Teagan seemed to carry over some of the uncertainty from her first number, and danced more tentatively than usual. She kept watching the girl to her right for cues.  We spoke with her afterwards, trying to bulk up her confidence, because she knew her dance, she didn’t need to follow, she could lead.  I think it worked, because Sunday she was much better, more sure of herself.

We ended up watching quite a few of the acts after the girls were done, Ashlin came out and saw her sister’s ballet number (Jesse’s song from Toy Story II, and the girls danced with a doll – so adorable!).  Teagan joined once I got her changed out of her costume.

Sunday was easier, in a way, but harder.  It’s so long, and the girls have to stay in the cafeteria for the rest of the show.  I suppose we could have left early, if they didn’t want to be in the finale.  But both did, so we stayed, while the girls colored and fed and hugged and were generally distracted for two hours.  Most of the other preschoolers left, Ashlin and one other peep were on stage for the finale.  (Although we called them the sunflowers, I overheard one of the other mom’s called them the peeps, so cute!)

Ashlin was so proud of herself, dancing on stage.  All the girls stayed in line and did their act, although one little girl ran off during the number, she was so scared.  Ash noticed partway through, and said to the teacher “we’re missing one!”  Everyone in the audience heard.  I think they were the hit of the show.  I could be biased.

Teagan’s ballet number also got big cheers from the audience, and I think her tap number looked better than the girls a level up.  They worked so hard to get the steps right.  I’m so proud of both of them!

At dinner, Teagan asked if she could use the knife.  We let her, and after a few failed attempts, she was able to actually cut her chicken.  She’s so big.

She has a knife!

We’ll work on holding the fork.  Eventually.


March 30, 2015 ~ Ashlin’s On-Going Birthday

Birthday Girl

This little one turned four yesterday. The night before her birthday she was so excited she couldn’t sleep.  She’s been looking forward to turning four for a long time now.  I’m not sure the rest of us have, she was a fantastic three-year old.

Stu and I left her birthday presents at her seat at the table, and she bounced with joy when she saw them.  So excited to open them that she let her sister help her.  Merc and a “Miles from Tomorrowland” shirt made her face nearly split with happy smiles.  Sleeping Beauty Legos/Duplos and a Frozen dress-up trunk rounded out the awesome presents.

I think the past few days have kept her riding a happy feeling.  Saturday was visitsing the Easter Bunny and getting a balloon and chocolate eggs.  She was so brave, after a failed (wouldn’t go up at all) and a supported (with me between her and the bunny) attempt to visit the bunny.  Afterward, she was so proud of herself, telling me that she’d never not get a picture taken with a giant, imaginary and costumed thing (my words, not hers).

Then we went to a friends birthday party.  She had a blast.  That is, up till the moment that everyone sang Happy Birthday to the friend and not her.  It was momentary, she was easily persuaded to be happy again.  The balloons and cake helped.
Today we brought blueberry muffins in for her class as a special (sort of healthy) snack.  Her teacher gave her a special crown, and she was the birthday line leader.  Then there was “chicken on the bone” from the orange store (Popeye’s) for dinner, followed by birthday cupcakes.

She’s becoming such a remarkable little lady.  Still very into snuggles and kisses.  Daily.  Smart, and quick to learn, but quicker to laugh, a deep and hearty laugh.  She still says jamamas, but can write her name.  Her “s” is a bit snake like, and I hope that doesn’t go away soon.  She will tell us when she’s tired, and is a dream to put to bed.  She still has her Billy Idol mouth when she cries, but the tears never last too long. A grudge she can hold a bit longer, maybe half a day, but when she’s over it, she’s over it and wants to kiss and make up.  She is a total sweetheart.  I’m enjoying spending so much time with her.  I regret that I didn’t get to do this with Teagan, though by this age, she was already a big sister.

I’m looking forward to seeing her grow up, though I know I’ll miss my little baby.  I hope she’ll keep snuggling.

Pictures, because I can’t help myself.

Bringing birthday blueberry muffins to school

Someone is very excited to be turning four tomorrow. So excited she wasn’t sleeping when I went up to check on her. #sobig #birthdaygirl #gothefucktosleep

#Merc and the #MilesFromTomorrowland shirt were a hit. Can you see her vibrate with the happy?

She eventually was lured to the #bunny with the promise of fruit snacks. The #chocolate #eggs weren’t enough. #easter #easterbunny #brave #bravegirl


September 10, 2014 ~ Homework!

Tonight Ashlin worked on her first homework project – a cut-out representation of herself. She drew eyes, nose, sides of her nose and mouth. She colored in hair and shoes (I think they’re her pink Chucks).  She wrote her name – with no help. There’s a cup in her hand because she loves milk.  There’s a sticker of Sophia the First (one of her favorite shoes) and a bird, because they’re pretty.

Stu said that she’s not done yet, she wants to put some pictures of her family on as well.

This one totally rocks.



February 12, 2014 ~ Chicken Donuts From the Orange Store

This one

This one.

She isn’t always an easy one, but she’s pretty good.  Right on the edge of the terrible three’s, she still loves snugging, and rocking – usually! – before bed.  Last night we had an awesome chat.  It went something like this:

Me:  Did you have a good day at day care?
Ashlin:  Yes!  We did imagination story.  And puppets!
Me:  Puppets?
A:  Yeah.  And cupcakes!  We had cupcakes for H*’s birthday today.
Me:  Oh, that’s nice.  Were they good cupcakes?
A:  Yeah.
Me:  Do you miss H*? (H* has moved up to the three’s)
A:  Yeah.  I poop on potty at day care.
Me:  Tomorrow?
A:  Yeah.  I poop on potty.  At day care.  Tomorrow.
Me:  That’s awesome!  Will you pee too?
A:  Yeah.  I do pee-pees on potty.  Wear flower underwear.
Me:  You pee and poop on the potty, you can wear whatever underwear you want.
A:  Me go chicken doughnut store?  Eat in store?
Me:  Yes.  You go pee and poop on the potty, no accidents, we can go in and eat there.
A:  Me have no accidents, we eat chicken doughnuts, stay at store to eat.  We go orange store?
Me:  Orange store?  Sure, we can go get Popeye’s

And wouldn’t you know it?  She did poop on the potty.  No pee accidents either.  One small poop accident, that she was very upset about.  Her teacher (who I told about the orange chicken doughnut store) said that as soon as she realized she had had the accident, she broke out in tears, wailing about not getting chicken doughnuts from the orange store.

Stu ended up picking them up late – he misunderstood my message about my not being out on time, that he should go – so they came home.  She was crying, she told me through wails and tears that she had pooped in the potty.  I told her that we owed her chicken doughnuts, she had earned them fair and square.  But since I had to work late we’d go tomorrow.  We couldn’t do chicken doughnuts without me!  This seemed to calm her down enough for us to lavish praise on her.

She was so proud of herself.  I was so proud of her.

She said she’d poop on the potty again, tomorrow.

I love this one.


January 18, 2014 ~ Frozen Tears

Not OlafSo, Frozen brings me to tears.  Well, not the entire movie, but two songs.  And hearing my daughter sing those songs.

I knew that the one made me teary, it did in the theater, with Ashlin on my lap.  But today, the other one did, and it was a surprise.  It’s not meant to make one cry, it’s meant to empower, to tell you it’s ok to leave everything and everyone behind and be yourself.  Maybe it was that Teagan was singing along, most of the words (she has the Frozen story cd), and was singing in a voice that was no longer a baby voice.  It was a little off-key, unpracticed, but a very sweet little voice.  A young girl voice.

She’s growing up.  Sniff.


Stu was half laughing at me today about it too.  He joked about reading the “I will always love you” or whatever book, the one that I can’t read aloud without something getting in my eye…  and then this.  Of course, both girls asked to hear the two songs over and over and over again. Laughing when Olaf is on the beach, when Ana does the tick-tock sound and follows the grandfather clock with her eyes. Again, Dada!  Again!

Then again.  I’m not the one humming them even though the girls are both in bed.




November 11, 2013 ~ My Heart


Ashlin’s Heart

Saturday while Teagan was in dance class Ashlin and I went out to Target to get some things – magic pen coloring books among them.  As we headed to the Children’s Activity section, we passed the phone cases.  As the one Santa brought me last year for Christmas was cracked and breaking, I stopped.  Looked at the Belkin ones, meh.  As turn to leave, we see this endcap.  Ok, price is right, designs aren’t too bad.  I ask Ashlin which one she liked.  She pointed to this one, “heart, mama.  I like heart one.”  Ok.  Not bad.  It’s a bit reminiscent of Olivia, but that’s ok.  I ask her if any of the others were nice.  “Yes, but this.  I like this one.  It’s like my heart.”  And my heart melted.
PS. I can’t seem to find my phone now. The new case seems to blend in, even with the big heart, much more than the silver glitter one I had.


October 14, 2013

#fort!  Hiding under the table.

Can she see us?

Today  day care was closed.  Stu had reports that had to go out, so I took the day off.  It wasn’t a bad day, though I needed a nap by the afternoon.  Ashlin rubbed my feet as I snoozed on the couch during Peg + Cat (their new favorite show).

Earlier in the afternoon, the girls decided to build a fort under the breakfast table.  I hear:

Ashlin:  Ouch!

Teagan:  You ok, Ashlin?

Ashlin:  Yes.

Teagan:  Want me to kiss it?

Ashlin:  Yes.

Teagan:  <smooch>

Ashlin:  Tank you.


They are so sweet together sometimes.  Later, they were sharing a sofa and could not help but needle each other.  I’m hoping they have more moments like those under the table then on the sofa.


October 9, 2013 – Love Lies Sleeping

Hiding together under the table. I see you two!Last night I was up inexplicably late.  I’m not sure why, today hurts a bit for it.  But it wasn’t too late to tuck the girls in, just like I always do.

Ashlin was on her back, with the heels and toes of her feet together in some bizarre frog-like version of first position in ballet.  As I pull the corner of her blanket out from under her and cover her back up, she laughed once or twice and then gave a deep sigh.

Teagan was halfway down her bed, covered in her afghan, baby quilt and comforter.  She half woke up as I shifted her towards the middle of the bed and took the extra blankets off.  Half-asleep, she sat up and told me she loved me, then fell back down.  Deep asleep, I covered her back up with the sheets and comforter.

Sometimes Ashlin talks in her sleep when I’m in there, sometimes not.  Sometimes Teagan will wake up a bit more, but usually she’s completely dead to the world.  Hopefully it will be a long time before they don’t need me to tuck them back in.


September 1, 3012 ~ Ballet


Teagan at the Hooley. She would walk around in circles with her arms above her head. When we asked her why she was dancing with her arms up in the air over her head, she said it was ballet. Her friend E taught her. She’s practicing before she starts her dance class next week.

Silly sweet kid.