What to muse about today?

June 8, 2011

It’s hot.  It’s going to be hot again tomorrow.  Stu said he’d put the air on tomorrow.  Yay!

Maybe it’s the heat, maybe there are still some postpartum hormones running rampant, maybe I’m just too tired.  Things moved me.  Things that I think would normally not bother me, got to me.

This moved me.  I’m not really a Meredith Viera fan, but I do think she’s funny and can make people reveal things that they didn’t necessarily want to, but this really got to me.  So many people loved her and wanted to honor her in such a big way on her last day.  I will miss her.  I find it heartwarming that she could make such an impact on so many people, and in such a short time – she was only on the show for five years. One can only wish to have this sort of impact on the people in our lives.

I also found this today:


Sometimes there is crying in baseball.

Maybe I’m turning into a big softie.

Then I read this, and got very mad.  It’s crazy that a school is asking this type of question on an enrollment form.  It’s not any of their business.  Then I got thinking about my two daughters.  (It still feels weird saying that).  Is Ashlin going to be considered at a disadvantage because of my uterine problems?  Do I owe her an apology because of the  nature of her birth?  Will Teagan have a biological advantage because she was a “natural” birth?  Am I now worrying about nothing?

Oh, I know I am.  I sat and listened to Ashlin chatter away – like Teagan never did* – and the worries and concerns melted away.  She’a so quick to smile.  Problems seem smaller when she does.


* Teagan used to coo and make noises, but she was a very quiet baby compared to Ashlin.  Ashlin never seems to be quiet, awake or asleep, with the majority of her noises being happy and totally cute.


May 13, 2011

Happy Friday the 13th!!

This morning I had my last post-partum check-up and the doctor declared me “cured of pregnancy.”  LOL!  He actually said that.  Cured.  Muahahaha!  I have all the symptoms and complications at home, sleeping right now in her papasan lamb.  Anyway.  Scar will fade, the pins and needles feeling between scar and belly button will go away over time.  I don’t need to worry about the other fibroids, but they will be monitored.  Restrictions are lifted – I can lift weight, exercise, whatever.  Shots are done!  Woo woo!!  I don’t need to go back for a year.

He also asked how the recovery was, compared to a vaginal birth.  If I liked one more than the other.  Well.  They’re different.   One feels like a natural process while the other is major surgery.  I do think the c-section is a harder recovery, but it was also complicated for me with having a toddler at home.  If I had done them in the reverse order I may have a different opinion.

I can now say that after two pregnancies, I do not have any stretch marks.  Yay me!

As was my routine after doctors visits while pregnant, I walked next door to the bakery to get a chocolate croissant.  They didn’t have any.  Sniff.  Boo.  I had to get a plain one.  This may have been a good thing, actually, as I only got one, and not two decadent and delicious chocolate croissants.  I really don’t need all those calories, even though I am breastfeeding.  I still have nine pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

The afternoon I met up with the mom who has a daughter three days older than Ashlin for a walk on the beach again.  I dressed Ashlin up in my favorite outfit from Teagan but couldn’t find the matching socks.  Oh well.  I also forgot the floppy sun hat.  It didn’t matter much.  It was overcast and grey.  And a little chilly.   I quickly put a jacket and plain socks on her.  Didn’t even bother to take a picture.  The outfit will be washed soon and I’ll get one then.  When the rain started, we decided to leave.  Not as enjoyable a day for a walk as last time, but the company was as good!  Hopefully next time the weather will cooperate.


April 6, 2011

I’m snoring.    I had started not too long before Ashlin was born.  I totally blame the pregnancy.  I always had the nasal congestion, even in the beginning.  Would wake up and have to blow my nose every morning.  I also thought that maybe it was due to the baby weight and extra pregnancy fluid floating around my body. 

I (and Stu too, I’m sure,) had hoped it would go away once I was no longer pregnant. 

Well, it hasn’t. <sigh>

Maybe it’s because I still have the baby weight on, or because I’m only a week postpartum.  It could be due to the anesthesia – Stu said he had heard of some connection to post-operative snoring.

Last night was the first night I’ve been able to sleep on my left side*.  It was still a bit uncomfortable, not due to my hip, but due to my healing abdominal surgery.  Up until last night, I still had to sleep slightly inclined, on my back.

I still snored.

For the second night in a row, Stu went down stairs in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch.

I want this to stop :(


*  Yay!!  I actually slept on my left hip!  For the first time in months I was able to sleep on my left side.  I think the hip is still not right, but as the Chiro said, it is better without the extra weight in front.


April 4, 2011

Oh. My. God.  The swelling.  I don’t remember the swelling being this bad with Teagan.  I was GBS positive, so needed an IV and antibiotics with her.  (Let’s not talk about the pitocin).

My feet and ankles have been swollen since I got home three days ago.  They weren’t that bad in the hospital, just a little puffy.  I’m not sure what happened to make them inflate to gigantic proportions.  Does walking out the hospital door trigger something?

They look worse than Fred Flintstone feet.  I’ve been drinking insane amounts of water, keeping them up, walking a bit.  It feels like it’s only getting worse, not better.  I know that I got a lot of IV fluid (4 units blood, 2 units plasma, 1000 units ringers), but this is now ridiculous.

And they HURT.

How much longer until my body decides it doesn’t want all this fluid?  I’d like to fit into shoes again.  Today’s trip to Babies R Us was uncomfortable.  Taking off the shoes was sheer relief.

Done.  All dun!

Then I look at Ashlin, and it was worth it.


April 1, 2011

Green Eyes

Green Eyes?

No April Fool’s here. We don’t need  any practical jokes.  Thank you very much.

I am almost out, almost home.  Still have one more day, and although each day is better, I don’t feel ready yet.  I have dropped my pain killers down to half a dose, but I am still taking them regularly.  It still hurts to get up.  Don’t get me started on laughing – thank you sis and Stu!

Today was a good day, actually!  Even with the horrible weather outside, Ashlin and I snuggled up and nursed and just got to hang out.  Once the steady stream of people ended, that is.  The people parade started around 5am – vital check, then 6am – incision check by the resident, then the nurse to give me Ashlin to nurse, then some drugs for me and another wound/belly check.  Shift change had the night PCA and nurse come to say good bye, and the new ones do their thing.  There was the Lactation consultant and the Birth Certificate lady.  Housekeeping.  Breakfast showed up after the pediatrician and my OB stopped by.   No one came while someone else was there, but I barely had time to go the bathroom and only started breakfast at 10am.

I had a bit of breathing room by then, and took advantage to go skin to skin with Ashlin.  She’s so snuggly!

While the pediatrician was here – today was the one I met with before transferring to the practice – she mentioned in passing that we would need to have to have an ultrasound done on Ashlin’s hips.  (I love how all this stuff is just casually mentioned, in passing, like they are no big deal.  Everything lately has sort of been a big deal.  I’d like to not have any more thank you).  Anyway, we need the scan because Ashlin was breech for as long as she was (even though she turned.  Twice).  The risk is for developmental hip dysplasia.  It will most likely be nothing, but it’s something that they check for every breech and transverse baby.  The Pediatrician said that her colleagues hadn’t noticed anything to be concerned about, nor did she.  I asked if the click I hear every now and then when I change Ashlin’s diaper is a symptom.  She can’t confirm nor deny, as she hasn’t heard the click,

I’m sure that everything will be ok.  If it wasn’t, the one of the pediatricians would have said something.  Given some warning.


PS.  All caught up!!  Woo woo!


March 31, 2011

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Today was better than yesterday.  Thank goodness.  I was able to get up with less pain – still a lot of pain – but less.  I had the second IV removed – no more IV’s now.  Freedom!!

The bruises by her eye, that we thought would look horrible by today, didn’t appear.  So lucky.  She still has an indentation from the forceps, but that will go away soon enough.  Her face is already looking much much better.

We finally figured out who this little girl is!  Woo Woo!!  I don’t know if I’ll tell.  Eh, of course I will!!  Her name is Ashlin Cerys (keh-ris), it means a dream or a vision of love.  First name is Gaelic, second is Welsh.  We had quite a debate on spelling.  Do we go traditional (Aislin) or do we use an Anglicized version.  We went with the Anglicized version, it will be easier on her as she grows up.

This name truly fits her.  After all the issues we had getting her here, up to and including her birth, she is a vision of love.  Although the other names we had would have worked, they wouldn’t have suited her nearly as much.  I’m glad we took the time to give her a deeply appropriate name.

Today’s OB visit was interesting.  They each give me a bit more information about the section.  Today, found out that often, in situations like mine, a woman could use lose* her uterus.  Oh!  It may have been an episode of ER.  LOL.  They are very concerned about postpartum depression.  It is usually  more prevalent with second pregnancies, with c-sections, with traumatic procedures.  Again, I have the trifecta.

I do know that right now, it’s just the “baby blues.”  Those lovely hormonal swings that you get, that you can’t control.  As the pregnancy hormones leave your system, they get better.  With Teagan, it took about 3 weeks, honestly, to not cry at a Hallmark commercial, or a sweet moment.  It’s when those baby blues don’t go away, when they get stronger, that you need to worry.  There are lots of medications you can get to help, and the OB’s will help.  Pediatricians will help.

We’ll just keep an eye out.  Shall we?

* Thanks Stu!  LOL!

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March 29, 2011

Baby Girl!
Born at 11:52am
Weight: 7 lbs 11 oz
Height: 19.25 inches
Head Circumference:  14.25 inches

So, she was born this morning! The labor /delivery nurse was the same person as when I labored for Teagan, as well as when I was sent to L&D a few weeks ago.  Nice.  I actually enjoyed her much more when she wasn’t pushing any pitocin

The procedure wasn’t fun, but it’s over now.  The anesthesiologist was very nice, and talked me through all the different bits.  The doctors ended up needing to use forceps on her to get her out.  She wasn’t engaged (it is early)  and they couldn’t get a grip on her to get her out.  Stu said they were “in up to their elbows” trying to get her.  I asked if she was jammed up into my ribs so as to not get out.  LOL.  There was also a large fibroid in the way.  Her eye got a bit bruised, but should be just fine in a few days .  We were told to expect it to look bad tomorrow.  You could see it worsening as the day progressed.

She ended up being 7 lbs 11 oz.  Not too big, just about what they estimated her last week.  She looks simply tiny.  She ended up having some breathing issues – a bit raspy, due to the c-section not squashing her respiratory track like a vaginal birth does.  So, they let me see her, give her a kiss or two and then whisked her away to newborn care – not NICU.

You can see mark from the forceps on her eye.

Turns out that it was a good thing I didn’t birth vaginally,  even though she wasn’t anywhere near as big as they thought she’d be.  I may have something to be grateful for in that damn placenta/overlying vessels.  That large fibroid down near the cervix, would have made it impossible for her to fit out.  The Doctor ended up needing to remove it, and I ended up with four bags of blood, two bags of plasma.  I lost track of how many bags of saline and “stuff” they pushed into me.  I think the process (which started early) lasted about an hour longer than they said it would, thanks to the complications.

While they were getting the fibroid out, and then sewing up layer after layer of me, I got the shakes very badly.  So the anesthesiologist gave me a Behr hug heated blanket over my arms that helped a bit.  I then got another one back in recovery.  Ended up staying in recovery for about 2 hours.

They ended up keeping her until about 9pm (where’s my baby!?!) because her glucose level kept dropping.  She got about 60ml of formula, a bunch of glucose.  Her level would be good, then bad.  Stu went to go see her while I stayed in recovery.  He brought me back pictures of her.  She has a lot of black hair!  OMG!  I got to see her and hold her around 4pm.  Too long of a wait.

First time being held by mama

We ended up cycling my parents and sister through the newborn room to see her and then up to visit with me.  They sort of forgave us for not calling earlier once they found out that I’d only seen her for about 10 minutes.

They finally released her to us around 9pm, after I went down stairs in the wheelchair.  Yes, I got up!  The nurses helped get me out of bed and settled in the chair.  I didn’t push them to go, they actually said I needed to get up anyway.  It hurt a lot but I really wanted to see and hold my baby.  When we got down there, they said they were just about to send her up.  Sometimes it’s the squeaky wheel.

It felt so good to hold her.  It took about 10 hours,  but she’s finally up with us.

Now, to figure out who she is.  LOL!


March 28, 2011

Tomorrow.  Eviction notice will be given tomorrow.  OMG!  I know I’m not ready for it to be TOMORROW!  Yes, I know it could have been any time, but still.  I thought I had more time.

I need to get baby clothes washed, put away.  Dresser put together, car set put back together (it’s washed now!).  Find the bases for the car seat, but that’s a bit less urgent. Get the pack n plays put up (yay! One has a changing station!).  Move the armchair into the living room, so I have a chair that’s easy to get out of.  Oh, just so much stuff to do.

I tried to schedule myself more time.  (April 1st!)  No luck :o

My parents are coming down early enough to send us off.  I guess I can understand that – wanting to see your baby before surgery.  Ok.  They better not call while I’m being stitched up! 

I packed my bag this morning – before the Amnio.  Just in case.  It ended up being a toothbrush and then electronic stuff.  LOL.  What does that say about me?

The Amnio went ok.  Easier, actually, than the CVS.  Faster.  Less painful.  The Doctor that did it said she would use about the same gauge needle as the Lovenox shots, though longer.  CVS needles are a bigger gauge.  They didn’t even put a band-aid on the stick spot.  Amnio results came in late today – lungs are mature!

Monitoring went ok, though it was the first time (and only time.  lol!) at the MFM place.  After about 10 minutes, 3 people come dashing in to adjust the transducer and check readings.  They were worried about the baby’s base line.  I did mention that she runs a bit low, but my OB, and then L&D weren’t worried.  She’s just a chill kid. 

Hopefully it’s a sign of things to come.  I wouldn’t want to get my hopes up too much.  What are the odds that we’d be so lucky as to have a second wonderful baby – kid – as Teagan.  We’d be too blessed.

I am looking forward to meeting this little girl that’s been torturing me these past months.  I will not miss the heartburn, the aches, pains, nausea, fatigue, blurry vision, stuffiness, bleeding gums, the injections (oh those damn shots!), bruises from the shots, itching, swelling, clumsiness, varicose veins, insomnia.  Basically, I will not miss being pregnant.  I will miss, however, feeling her move.  Even though her movements are so strong now as to be painful. 

I worry about my recovery, how quickly I’ll heal, get back to a new normal.  one that includes two kids.  OMG, I’m going to have two kids tomorrow.  How am I going to survive??  I just hope I do an ok job.


March 15, 2011

I think I’m in love.  With my new yoga ball.  I hope Stu doesn’t think I’m cheating.  It feels fantastic to sit on the yoga ball.  No, not like that!  But when I do sit on it, my back doesn’t hurt.  The pain melts away.

It was something the Chiro suggested doing two visits ago.  When I mentioned I didn’t have one, he said I could use the kitchen counter – hello lovely island! – instead.  The ball is better.  Much better.

At the end of this morning’s adjustment session he had me sit on one for a few minutes before I left.  The session was quite painful, actually.  I had to have him stop three times, my hip was throbbing so badly. 

Again, my hip didn’t pop.  After almost 30 minutes he apologized a bit, saying that he couldn’t keep pounding on me.  I know.  I’m frustrated about it as well.  The hip that has the torsion is the one that will usually pop at the drop of a hat, when I’m not pregnant. 

He’s asked me to come in every day this week – probably until we get the torsion out.  Hopefully tomorrow and the rest of the week won’t be quite as painful.  But after the ball, and 20 minutes of heat – have I mentioned how I LOVE the heated seats in my car? – everything was much better.  

I went out and got me a yoga ball as soon as I could.


March 10, 2011

Last night was a long night.  Started off watching Bubba Ho-Tep with Bruce Campbell.  I had heard/read that it was good, and it has Bruce – how could it be It was horrible.  Then the head cold that just won’t go away, that I’ve had since Sunday, doesn’t seem to respond to Benedryl any more.  (Yes, I had to take something, anything, it was so bad).  Eventually,  the Benedryl finally knocked me out.  Knocked me out so much I didn’t hear Teagan wake to a night terror or something.  Stu said she was sobbing horribly.  I didn’t hear her.  I may have noticed (a little) when he came to bed.

Around 1:45 I did wake up, in pain.  My back was throbbing.  First thought I had was that it was contractions.  I’ve been having Braxton Hicks and random contractions for three weeks or so already *.  It wasn’t that though, thankfully.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t get back to sleep, I couldn’t find a position in bed that would make it go away.  Down to the sofa, where I sat up for a while, as even reclining hurt.

As as aside, I’m pissed at Dish TV right now.  They’ve stopped carrying WTNH, which was the only station that had any sort of news at 3am.  Other than the cable news stations, of course.  So, there’s nothing to watch at 2:30, other than The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and then 1000 Ways to Die.

Sometime around 4am I finally fall asleep again.  The alarm went off way too early today.

I had another Chiropractor appointment this morning.  I told him about the pain.  He gave me some exercises to do that may help – one to stretch my lower back, one for my legs and one for the SPD.

So, again, left hip joint whatever doesn’t crack, but almost!  There was movement today, right one does.  Mid-back cracked, and that felt good.  Neck was uncomfortable, but feels better now.  My lower back is still bothering me, I’ve been sitting up most of the day, doing some cat/cow stretches as well, they just feel so good.

I have another appointment for Saturday morning.  Fingers crossed that my back is ok until then.


* The Braxton Hicks are getting more and more painful.  I can’t walk fast or I’ll contract.  Sometimes just bending over will start one up.  Sometimes they’re 4 minutes apart, sometimes as much as 30 minutes.  They’re not real contractions that the midwives are worried about.  I haven’t needed to breathe through them, so, it’s just practice.  I’m tired of practice.