Things I Never Thought I Would Say

List of Things I Never Thought I Would Say, those bizarre things you find yourself saying after you have a child. Things that in the moment make perfect sense, but out of context are just odd, strange, scary. LOL!

1. Don’t put that monkey in your eye! (8/25/09)
2. You’ve got an alligator on your ear! (9/20/09)
3. Don’t put the entire cow’s foot in your mouth! (9/26/09)
4. You have a cow on your face! (Stu 9/27/09, but it’s still funny!)
5. It’s hard to talk when you have a turtle in your mouth (10/5/09)
6. It’s like magic the things I can pull from under your butt! (10/30/09)
7. Don’t eat the cat’s butt! (1/7/10)
8. All hail the triangle worm! Don’t shove it down your pants! (1/20/10)
9. Did you poop all the happy out your butt? (2/28/2010, after a big blowout!)
10. Are you hiding food under your butt? (7/17/10)
11. Are you going to put the entire dolphin in your mouth? (7/17/10)
12. Chicken does not belong in your nose. (7/18/10)
13. Don’t lick the fireplace! (7/31/10)
14. Don’t poke binkies in the reindeer’s bum! (Stu 9/4/10)
15. Don’t put cheese in your nose (11/27/10)
16. You have a sea horse in your hoo hoo (Stu, during bathtime 12/7/10)
17. Raisins are not a hat. (1/8/11)
18. You have a monkey butt in your face! (06/15/11)
19. Please don’t put the sippy up your nose (06/22/11)
20. Don’t put that eggplant in your sister’s ear (06/22/11)
21. Don’t run with the knife! (06/24/11)
22. Please stop stabbing the chair (06/24/11)
23. Did you put a green bean up your nose? (06/25/11)
24. She pooped in the fridge (Stu, after she hid behind the fridge in her play kitchen (07/13/11))
25. I hear your butt! (08/19/11)
26. Don’t poop on the nightlight! (09/05/11)
27. Don’t throw sausage on your sister. (10/3/11)
28. It’s strawberry shampoo, not shampoop. (Stu (10/23/11)
29. You should always poop out your dragon (11/25/2011)
30. We need to eat dinner with our pants on (11/25/12)
31. If you put it there, she will touch your monkey (11/26/11)
32. Underwear does not belong on your head (11/27/11)
33. That’s not Dada! That’s a monkey! (2/11/12 to Ashlin)
34. Don’t lick your underwear! (3/15/12 to Teagan)
35. Get your face out of the toilet! (4/25/12 Stu to Teagan)
36. Don’t put your finger in the cats butt! (9/8/12)
37. You have a unicorn in your purse! (11/25/12)
38. We don’t put bears in our mouth (Stu 12/29/12)
39. Don’t put your face in the vent, or lick it! (8/7/13)
40. She left a bag of animal legs! (Ashlin only ate the bodies of the animal crackers 8/10/13)
41. I wasn’t going to take a kid out of an elephant! (8/10/13)
42. don’t lick the car! (8/18/13)
43. Don’t lick the fireplace!
44. Don’t eat your baby’s head!
45. Don’t cut the baby! (1/19/14 ~ Ashlin was using the wooden knife from her brownie set to cut the babies face)
46. Don’t put a goldfish in your nose!
47. Don’t erase it with your butt!!
48. You can’t choke a robot [When Ashlin was worried about Teagan hurting MERC (10/3/15)]