What to muse about today?

July 17, 2013

Sister snuggles

Missing these smiles

This week, I’ve been missing my girls.  A lot.  Work has required that I leave the house either before or as they wake up in the the morning, and then not be back until after bed time.  I miss Stu too, but at least he’s awake when I get home.  Twelve hour work days are not fun.

Monday, I got quick, snotty kisses from them before dashing out.  I was 20 minutes late to the command center.  I ended up getting home after then were both tucked in, so no snuggling at all while watching Peppa Pig.

Tuesday, I took the time to brush Ashlin’s hair and chatted to Teagan for a minute before leaving.  Again, 20 minutes late. I tried to get home early enough to make the end of bed time, Stu kept them up late, so got to see them for a little bit.  Long enough to get a big hug or two from Ashlin and to brush Tegagan’s teeth – she gave up her bedtime books to watch a bit of Dora.  I missed out on Ashlin reading books.  On the way into day care, Ashlin read to Teagan and Stu:  “Ahum um hum hum.  Piggy pancackssssssssssssssshhhh.” Lots of words have a “sh” sound at the end, a la Sean Connery.  She would hold up the page to show the picture.  Next page:  “Ahum um hum hum hum.  Piggy.  Pancakessssssssssshhhh.”  I love when she reads books out loud.  I’m sorry I missed this.

This morning Teagan was up early.  When she heard the alarm, she came and snuggled with me for a little bit.  Ashlin didn’t wake until after I left.  Today, I was only 15 minutes late.

I’m hoping to get home in time for books, pre-bed snuggles would be even better!  Stu told me that Ashlin was having a hard time.  She was pretty down on Monday when she didn’t see me.  Everytime the iPad sounded out the Pot Noodle horn as I got a text, she shouted “Mama’s heeeeeeerrrrrrrr!”  Stu told her no, but she insisted “Yesss!  Is.”  Last night, she barely touched her dinner.  When asked, she looked up sadly at Stu and said “Mama no home.”  Bottom lip quivering.  Gah.  Stu gave her extra snuggles and an extra book.

I really miss those little moments.  The quick snuggle in bed before the day begins, the winding down snuggle on the sofa watching something on Nick Jr.  Reading books.  Tickles.  Listening to Teagan tell about her day, or tell one of her stories.  Her bizarre pre-school illogical stories.  Her laughing so hard she hiccups for “Knock, knock… Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”  Watching her make Ashlin laugh, and then laugh so hard she sounds like a chicken and begs for relief.  Then as soon as she catches her breath, asks for more.

This weekend is Girls’ Weekend, and I’ll be away.  Again.  Fingers crossed the girls do well…  That Ashlin does better.

I am going to miss their giggles:


June 14, 2013

Note for the girls

Note for the girls

The other day Stu had to work in Jersey.  When he does, he leaves super early and always leaves a note.  Once Teagan started recognizing letters and her name, he added a section for her.  Even though Ashlin doesn’t quite understand, he added her in too.  Teagan recognizes Ashlin’s name, so Ashlin sees Teagan’s joy and laughs too.

This was the note he left for us this week.

When I read it out to the girls, I follow the words with my finger, hoping they realize that each grouping of letters is a word.  A word that they will remember, and be able to read on their own.

Teagan’s section is almost always a reminder to be good, to behave for me, for day care.  A wish that she help her sister.

Ashlin’s bit is usually some encouragement, a request that she listen to her sister, to her teachers.  She was very proud that dada wrote to her about potty training.  As I read the bottom, she asked to kiss the paper. So sweet.

After reading this week’s note out to the girls, showing them their parts, I put it down.  Teagan picked it up and started picking words out.  I asked her if she remembered what the x’s on the bottom meant.  Of course she remembered.  “They’re kisses!  Kisses from dada!”  She traced them again, and said “I can feel the kisses.”

My heart melted.  Again.

I love that he always makes me coffee. :)




September 26, 2011

So, work kicked my butt last week.  The babies finished me off.  Going back to work is more tiring than I remember.

Getting out of the house – even slightly on time – seems to be ten times more difficult with two than with just the one.  We just don’t seem to manage it, even getting up 30 minutes earlier.

If Teagan is good, then Ashlin needs to be nursed.  Or changed.  Again.  If Ashlin is a happy (and clean!) baby in the morning, then Teagan is the one who drags her feet.

Yeah, I guess some of it is me.  I need my coffee in the morning.  You really don’t want to talk to me much if I haven’t had even half a cup.  And then there’s the hair-drying time.  Supposedly, I’m not allowed to cut my hair short, though that may help get us to work on time.

In the craziness that’s been the few weeks that I’ve been back to work, and Ashlin’s been going to day care, (and still not taking more than 4-5oz,) we did lots of things.

  1. Teagan rode a (small) carousel all by herself (over and over and over!)
  2. Put Ashlin in an umbrella stroller (she did great!)
  3. Worked late and over the weekend (and will again!)
  4. Exposed Ashlin to bagpipes.  She slept though a lot of it.
  5. Let Teagan pet a cow
  6. I ate a fried Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich!  Yummy!
  7. Took the girls to the beach for a walk/wheel
  8. Gave Ashlin some food (at a few days shy of six months):
    1. Oat cereal – she got into it quickly, I needed to thicken it up!
    2. sweet potatoes – LOVED them
    3. peas – eh, wanted to do the spoon herself
    4. and mum mums – totally enjoyed feeding herself!
Hopefully, I’ll have a bit more strength these upcoming weeks.  Not sure, as work is getting into hysterical overdrive, thanks to two concurrent global projects.











September 7, 2011


Those eyes!

I have to leave her tomorrow.  I’ve left her before, for a few hours her and there.  A girls night out (yay!), a trip to the store alone (luxury!).  Tomorrow though, I really leave her.  With strangers.  At day care.

With Teagan, it wasn’t easy handing her over to strangers, leaving her, walking away.  The first day was so hard.  But, day by day, it did get easier.  There were less tears in the parking lot in the mornings, until there were none. Bit by bit it got easier.

I’m expecting it to be similar, even though I’ve been home with Ashlin much longer than I was able to be with Teagan.  In a way, Ashlin is lucky, she was home with me longer.  My maternity leave with Teagan was 16 weeks.  This time, I’ve been able to stay home with Ashlin closer to 20 weeks.  (Thank you CT/Fed Law loophole!)  An extra month (almost) home with Ashlin that I didn’t get with Teagan.  More time to snuggle with her, to watch over her as she sleeps, to watch her grow, oh so quickly.  Too quickly.  Time I now wish I was able to have with her older sister.

This time around, I know what to expect, I’ve done it before.  I’m seasoned, a hardened mother.  But still, it won’t be easy for me.  I am not looking forward to walking away from her tomorrow morning.  Leaving my baby.  I know it won’t be easy for her either.  It’s her first time.



February 10, 2011


Image by Dave-F via Flickr

The week’s almost over.  Just one more day.  It’s been a rough week.  Stressful.  Busy. 

I don’t have to turn the alarm on tonight.  No need.  I get to work from home tomorrow.  Even if Teagan (or I) oversleep, it’ll still be ok for my shot.  Neither of us sleep that late. 

Hope that being at the house will make the day a bit less stressful, even though it will still be very busy.  Less stress would be nice.  It would be nice to not have BH contractions, a place that’s not too hot (like the office has been all week).  Unfortunately, it’s also going to be a bit more distracting.  I need to be focused.  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out the issue with a formula or query if there’s dirty dishes in the sink or laundry to reboot.

Tomorrow, I also have to go meet with Teagan’s possible new pediatrician.  We’ve finally gotten my act together enough to set up a “meet and greet” with a local pediatrician.  I suppose I should be happy that we haven’t needed to make an emergency decision, thanks to an ear infection or some other creepy crud or oozy thing.  It would be nice to like the practice, the doctor.  I hope they also have a Lactation Consultant that I can have a few minutes with as well.

Good news!  We can use the front door again!  The snow melted/softened enough these past few days that Stu was able to get the path shoveled.  It had been about 2 feet deep of near-solid ice.  Today the ice melt worked enough to get the last bit of ice off, and make it so it’s not taking your life (or neck!) in your hands to walk on it.  So nice!

Leave a comment »

January 3, 2011

I am so proud of myself!  I was focused today!  I accomplished things!  I got through all the videos during lunch.  Yay me!  You should be able to see a bunch of them on Flickr, but not everything was “small” enough, so I also uploaded to my channel on You Tube (http://www.youtube.com/user/LisaSFF).  You should be able to see (a few of) them listed in the sidebar -> over there, on the right.

I’ll be working my way through the pictures as quickly as I can.

Today was rough – first day back into the routine after just about two weeks of vacation.  We made it though!  I’ll be going to bed early tonight, I really wanted there to be a nap time at work.  I wonder if that could be something they would add in?  Hum….

1 Comment »

December 15, 2010

Who needs sleep?  Me, that’s who!  It’s been a rough couple of days around here.  Stu and I had an all day meeting that we both needed to be in.  So, up stupid early, drop the baby off 5 minutes after day care opens, off to work.  Sit through the morning, have a nice lunch, sit through the afternoon.  Get out in time to pick the piglet up 10 minutes before day care closes.  After 11 hours of day care she’s exhausted.  13 hour day and we’re exhausted. 

Last night was the first night that she didn’t sleep through in just under two weeks.  Ear infections, teeth, growth spurts, milestones, general change had gotten her out of wack, turned my lovely sleeper into someone who got up three times a night, and who refused to be put down.  There were nights that Stu and I slept in the glider, holding her, nights that we made toast at 3 am because she was hungry, and we hoped that feeding her would give her a full enough stomach to go back to sleep.  Most times, it didn’t work.  It worked enough though, for us to do it again the next time…

So, finally just about two weeks ago or so – nights and days are blending a bit for me now – we decided we wanted our lovely sleeper back.  She wasn’t sick, she didn’t (hopefully!) have an ear infection.  We played hard ball.  If she woke up crying, we would wait a minute or two and then go in to her.  We asked her to lie back down and go to sleep, put her blanket over her, and left her room.  And we did leave her – sometimes crying, sometimes not – and didn’t go back in.  We didn’t pick her up.  We would make sure she was ok, tried to cover her with her blanket, but left. 

Two nights, she would wake up every four hours or so, cry and call for us.  We stayed hard – tired but hard.  Stu seemed to have better luck getting her to be quiet and  back to sleep quickly.  Faster than when I would go in.  Maybe she was trying to play me, knowing that I would break, would give in, faster than her dad.  I stayed strong though!  I was too tired not to :)

The third night was LOVELY.  She didn’t wake up once.  She slept like she used to, before all the interruptions.  The fourth night, the same.  And then the fifth.  And so on.  And Lisa got lots of sleep, and was feeling wonderful again.  Until yesterday, when we had a stupid-early all-day meeting and her baby starts waking up during the night.  Again.

Hopefully, this is just a phase, and she’ll go back to solid night-long sleep again.  Tonight.  Cross your fingers.


September 10, 2009

How could I not miss this face??

I ended up surviving yesterday’s first day back at work, and a day in the office at that.  It seems that its been months since I have been in the office – and in a way that’s true.  Thanks to the clot, I didn’t (couldn’t) go in for quite a while before Teagan’s birth, eventually was allowed to make the drive once or twice a week, then 16 weeks maternity leave after her birth… it actually has been months.  I survived.  Barely.

Today was better and worse.  I worked from home today.  Logged in early and worked while the piglet slept after her first morning feed.  Fed her again before heading out to day care.  We had an extra feeding and over an hour more time together this morning than yesterday.  Didn’t feel rushed, pressured, or anything.

Got back from dropping her off, and the house seemed empty.  A vacuum.  Devoid of life.  Amazing how quiet and lifeless it was.  How, in so short a time, she’s changed it so much.  Brought so much life and happiness that I hadn’t realized could fit. 

Worked, pumped, conference called the morning away.  Surprised the boss that I actually put the baby in day care while working from home.  I had to, she’s distracting, in such a lovely way :)

Ended up calling it quits for the day a bit early.  I had to go get this delightful little piglet and squish her.


PS.  Yes, I missed the drool too.


September 9, 2009

sadness in rain
Today I left my daughter at day care for the first time.  It’s now been four five hours, the longest I’ve been apart from her.  I miss my baby.  My first day back at work since her birth has been nothing but meetings, which has been good, but it’s been a long day without her already.  The busy has been helpful in keeping me distracted though.
I have left her before, for about three hours or so.  But she was with Stu, or my dad…  not in a center, with strangers.  It’s not quite the same thing.
I miss my baby.
Stu came up at lunch time to see how I was doing, (he didnt see me on intraoffice IM) and I had just gotten out of the morning meeting.  I grabbed some food and we called the day care to see how the piglet was doing.  Judy, one of the room teachers said that Teagan has been doing wonderfully.  “You’d never know it was her first day in day care.”  I didn’t really need to hear that, but I am happy she hasn’t been crying all morning.  Ok, I know she’s too young for separation anxiety – that’s my job right now – and I am glad she’s finding this transition to be relatively transparent so far.  Wow, that office speak, it comes back quick!
I miss my baby.
I left the morning meeting to go pump.  I hate pumping, but I understand the necessity – I do want to give the piglet as much breast milk as possible.  I do enjoy nursing her (except when she pulls of, but that’s a different story, and one for later).  Pumping in the office is a pure joy.  There’s no table in the mother’s room (a room with a door and a lock).  I almost lost one of the bottles (the full one too!) while trying to get the horn off and cap on because the couch was cushy.  Too valuable a possible loss, (breast milk is liquid gold!), so I asked the building to put a table in.  In the next month, there will be five pumping moms in the building.  I’m sure they’ll appreciate that.  We’ll also need to start up a pump schedule.  LOL!
My boss told me that I could leave early today.  He knows how difficult this day is, he has gone through this with his wife.  I do have to say he’s been very understanding and accommodating so far.  He said that we can go and see what needs to be done for my schedule – he’s willing to work with that as well.  He did say that I can work from home for the rest of the week, (I think).  Teagan will still need to be in day care, but she can be there less – three hours less – than if I need to go to the office.  That’s a good thing.
I miss my baby.
Can I go home now?
Leave a comment »

August 29, 2009

I have entered Day Care Hell

I don’t think I like this part of my new life.  I thought I had day care all lined up for Teagan, but as I found out this week, “gentleman’s agreements” don’t hold spaces for your child, no matter how cute she is.  <sigh>  Being on a waiting list will not hold a place for her either.

Granted, I wasn’t super happy about having to send her to day care as young as she is.  I wanted to be the one that got to see all the firsts…  It took this long to get here, I want to be there when they happen, to share them with her.  Not hear about them from some paid stranger.

Anyway, after visiting what feels like hundreds of places (about six), I found one that I wasn’t completely unhappy with.  (To be fair, I probably wouldn’t be happy with the most wonderful place ever, with sunshine and rainbows, puppy dogs and soft corners, and live video feed so we could watch all day – I understand that – but that’s a different story).  Liked the lady – D – that ran the service from her home, liked the home, liked that she cooked all the food for the kids that ate food, liked that it felt “homey” and not institutional.  So, I left it with D that I would be bringing Teagan in the beginning of September, that I could get all the medical forms for her then as well, unless she needed them before.  I thought it was all set and we were good to go. 

I wanted one last look while she had kids there, as I had visited while D was closed for vacation, so called this week to swing by.  When I got there, D told me that she no longer could watch Teagan for the entire week, that Wednesday and Friday were full – she had 2 infants those days, and although she could legally watch three, she didn’t think it was fair to the babies.  Of course my first day back at work* is a Wednesday.  Great. 

Oh!  Almost forgot!  The neighbors mom watches kids, and she’s free in two weeks…  she could watch our giggle-girl.  I get her number and give her a call.  When she calls back, she tells me that she got booked in the TWO days since I spoke with her last about child watching.  <sigh>

So, I call the center in town that I didn’t mind all that much.  Left a message.  Packed the piglet into the car in the rain and went to a center the next town over.  Asked the lady working the office if there was room for Teagan, that we’d need a place as of the 9th, full time.  She said the lady in charge of admissions would call back.  I liked this place, as much as I would like a center, I guess.  The infant room was sunny, small, the people working there were young and energetic.  Teagan smiled at the lady showing us around.  They served cake.  They also don’t have room for her full time, but only a part time place.  <sigh

So, now instead of enjoying the little time I get left with Teagan, I have to double check the message from the place in town, the message from this new place, and depending on those answers, might need to look at the next town over.  It’s like starting from scratch again.  Though this time I know what I’m looking for, even though I know I won’t be happy with what I find… 


PS.  It appears that my daughter can now speak dolphin.  Ouch!!  We have a pack of dogs on the front lawn now.


* Work is a whole other bag of potatoes…  I don’t know if I can explain that here…



Leave a comment »