Whatever!

What to muse about today?

April 23, 2012

on April 23, 2012

Mine!

Gah.  Why can’t she listen?  Or why is it that she seems to have the retention of a gold fish.  It’s so frustrating.  Dinner tonight was:

Me:  Teagan please don’t crush the cheerios on the floor with your toy
Teagan:  Crushes another cheerio
Me:  Teagan, please stop that.  I’d like you to pick them up and throw them out.  Not crush them.  That makes it harder to clean up.
Teagan:  Stops, looks at me, and crushes another cheerio.

She was totally ignoring me, then blatantly disregarding what I said.  So, I pick her up in one arm, as I already had Ashlin in the other, and go to her booster chair.  The chair she doesn’t really like sitting in any more, because she’s a “big girl”.  Stu takes over with her and starts buckling her in.  She does not like this at all.  Crying that she can do it, that she’ll stop.

Stu ends up distracting her and we get through dinner.  Ashlin is completely tired out, so Stu takes her up as my folks wanted to Skype with Teagan.  While we were waiting for dad to connect, Teagan sticks her finger in her mouth and starts “painting” on the table.  The table I had just cleaned from dinner.  I ask her to stop painting the table.  She hesitates, but then continues.  I ask again.  She stops, chatters about something, dogs eating sausage, her orange piggy tail, I forget.  And then starts smearing the spit around.  AHHHHHHHHH!!

I ask her what she was doing.  She doesn’t answer.  I ask her what I had asked her not to do.  She doesn’t answer.  I tell her that when she doesn’t listen to me it makes me sad.  She asks all the time if she makes us happy, or if we are sad.

I suggest playing a game, a game where she tells me what I just said.  I say that we had pasta for dinner, and then asked her to tell me what I said.  Giggling she said that we had pasta.  I then told her that she had green eyes.  Again asked her to repeat what I said.  She giggled and said green eyes. Ok, so when it’s fun, she plays along.  Then I asked her to not paint the table with spit.  She sheepishly looked at me.  Almost grudginly repeated not to paint the table with spit.

Why can’t she do it when it’s not a game?  In the moment?  Up until recently we didn’t yell at her very often, usually only when it was dangerous. Even now, we try not to.  Sometimes we’ll shout her name, just to get her attention, then continue on in a normal voice. Of course, she’s already melted in tears sobbing that we shouted at her.  Yes.  We did.  She wasn’t listening.  At all.

Sometimes the lure of a sticker works, but not always, and I don’t want to get her to behave just for the reward.  She needs to behave because she’s a part of society.  She will need to live in this world, a world with rules and societal niceties and people she might want to have as friends.

I”m hoping she’ll grow out of this, soon.  It’s very frustrating, makes me feel like a bad mother, as I seem to be yelling a lot, more than I want.  It makes me feel very ineffective and incompetent.  A bad mom.  Can’t make my little girl listen.

PS.  She had an accident today.  Her first in a week.  Sigh.

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14 responses to “April 23, 2012

  1. Kellie says:

    Kellie G* P* commented on your post.

    Kellie wrote: “It is not only you. I feel the same way with Susie, our 2.5 yr. old. She does the same things and it is so frustrating. Hang in there…it will get better & you are doing a great job.”

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks, Kellie. I know – I hope! – it’s just a phase, but it’s so hard to see the end. I suppose, I should be happy she’s so challenging, huh?

  2. Colleen says:

    Colleen D* G* commented on your post.

    Colleen wrote: “Hummm.. Lisa.. my Miss is almost 6 and listening I guess is only for her teacher.. I repeat myself.. over and over and over.. and then I get my loud voice out.. and sometimes still doesn’t listen.. it is oh so frustrating.. and she pushes me more when I fly solo and Dad is on work travel.. no where to turn.. no one to help.. NOT easy.. I hope that gets better for you and ME too.. I have to say I look forward to her bed time so I can think for myself..”

    • lisasff says:

      So, this will last about three years? I may end up completely insane and gibbering in a corner by then.

      I can see that Teagan pushes me a little differently than daddy.. It is interesting. And frustrating as hell too. Soon, I’ll be doing bedtime solo a night or two a week, and although I know I can do it – I can take the two out all by my self – I’m not looking forward to it, as I know she’s going to be pushing every single button I have. Though maybe her seeing that mommy has a very short fuse, she could ease back a little. One can only hope!

  3. Wendy says:

    Wendy B* S* commented on your post.

    Wendy wrote: “Willful disobedience? Because she’s (almost) three. Don’t you remember Kelly and I saying it’s not the terrible twos – it’s totally three. This is the year of timeouts…many many timeouts.

    Remind yourself it’s a phase and this too shall pass. (unless it doesn’t… (:-o )”

    • lisasff says:

      Wendy… I must have been asleep during that conversation, though there is a little niggle that we did discuss it :D Nice to know that Teagan is hitting all her milestones with flair. Sigh. Hopefully, timeouts and positive reinforcement works! And works before I lose my mind. I don’t have much left!

  4. Riana says:

    Riana commented on your post.

    Riana wrote: “Hugs!”

    • lisasff says:

      Oh, thank you, Riana. Hugs are always helpful! Hopefully, Lane, and Ashlin too, doesn’t push like Teagan is now.

  5. Kris A says:

    I agree…the 3’s were much worse. At 2 they could still be distracted and you could still rationalize that they don’t know better. At 3 they are the kings/queens of manipulation and seem to enjoy getting a rise out of you. Totally illogical but they like pushing buttons. She has spent 3 years observing you and analyzing your buttons. We started the “good attention, bad attention” speech at this age. They should know better but they are exerting their power of you and the world. It does get better when they realize that getting in trouble is not worth it. You’re not a bad mommy. Yelling is OK…it sets a limit and draws a line in the sand. When my eldest was 3 1/2 Rich threatened to slap her mouth off her face…ended up kinda funny because she grabbed her mouth and asked how she would talk without a mouth, (and proceeded to tell the entire daycare what daddy said..waited for child services to come!!)

    • lisasff says:

      Yeah, I’m seeing that. At two she was pretty easy to distract, redirect. Challenging, yes, but not hair-pulling frustration. I hope I have the serenity to handle her this year. She’s really beginning to push and test, looking for the cracks.

      I can totally see Rich saying that, too. And Katie handily showing him the error of his words.

      I need to look up “good attention/bad attention” and other ways of trying to deal with her now. Off to the mommy-blogs :D

      Oh, I almost forgot. Day care is having problems with her too. Awesome. They’re the professionals, you’d think they’d be able to handle her.

  6. Sounds like she’s testing out her boundaries…so frustrating but sounds like you are being firm and trying hard to be patient. It will all pay off! We are just in the beginning of the frustrating toddler misbehavior and I already have to stop a few times a day for some deep breaths!

    • lisasff says:

      It’s challenging, to say the least. I just need to be sure that Stu and I remain consistent. Sometimes you just want the crying to end. Some battles seem easier to not fight. Some are much more important, although at the time, seem so insignificant.

      I’m going to make sure there’s something cold and adult to drink for nights she really pushes.

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