What to muse about today?

September 7, 2011

on September 7, 2011

Those eyes!

I have to leave her tomorrow.  I’ve left her before, for a few hours her and there.  A girls night out (yay!), a trip to the store alone (luxury!).  Tomorrow though, I really leave her.  With strangers.  At day care.

With Teagan, it wasn’t easy handing her over to strangers, leaving her, walking away.  The first day was so hard.  But, day by day, it did get easier.  There were less tears in the parking lot in the mornings, until there were none. Bit by bit it got easier.

I’m expecting it to be similar, even though I’ve been home with Ashlin much longer than I was able to be with Teagan.  In a way, Ashlin is lucky, she was home with me longer.  My maternity leave with Teagan was 16 weeks.  This time, I’ve been able to stay home with Ashlin closer to 20 weeks.  (Thank you CT/Fed Law loophole!)  An extra month (almost) home with Ashlin that I didn’t get with Teagan.  More time to snuggle with her, to watch over her as she sleeps, to watch her grow, oh so quickly.  Too quickly.  Time I now wish I was able to have with her older sister.

This time around, I know what to expect, I’ve done it before.  I’m seasoned, a hardened mother.  But still, it won’t be easy for me.  I am not looking forward to walking away from her tomorrow morning.  Leaving my baby.  I know it won’t be easy for her either.  It’s her first time.



9 responses to “September 7, 2011

  1. Tom says:

    :( I say quit your job. Money is overrated anyway. Still, :(

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks Tom. It is very tempting. Unfortunately, the numbers still need me to work a bit, even though most of my salary will be going towards child care this year.

  2. Kate says:

    Aw, I’m sorry. I still have days where I cry when I leave G, or I miss him so bad I want to rush off and scoop him up and run away. Yes, you will leave her. But you will also have that wonderful moment of reunion, very soon. She’s not with strangers; you know these folks and know she’s safe and well cared for. It will be hard, but you both will do great. In case of panic, give me a call or email.

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks Kate! I may take you up on that.

      I do feel better because I do know these people. Not like with Teagan two years ago. They aren’t strangers in a strange place when we first left Teagan. I’ve had a year to get to know the people that will be watching my littlest baby .

      I know that my heart will break in the morning. But it will be healed in the afternoon, when I get to pick her up.

  3. Kris A says:

    It is so very hard. I’ve been there. You are stronger than I because as you know, I couldn’t do it a second time. Leave yourself time to cry a bit, carry some cute pictures. Enjoy having some adult conversation and bringing your non-mommy self back to life. You may find you put them to bed a bit later so you have enough time with each of them..I can only imagine how hectic it will be to pick them up, do dinner, baths and bed!! I’ll be thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs!!

    • lisasff says:

      Yeah, it wasn’t any easier, but it was easier than I expected. I know it will get better, and that day care will be a good thing for Ashlin. It was with Teagan, and now she loves it.

      Being at work sucks, but being here (or just out of the house,) is nice at the same time. I got to catch up with a few people, which is nice.

      I definitely need to get some pictures on my desk of the babies. Maybe I’ll have them pose together, again, for me to print and frame. One way or another, I need something physical on my desk, no matter how many digital images are in the ipod or on the computer..

  4. lisasff says:

    Ana Ri commented on your post.

    Ana said: “This got me all choked up. I know exactly how you feel. Your girls are so beautiful, by the way!”


    Thank you! So far the morning is going ok. Very hard to drop off my littlest baby this morning, especially when she cried as I passed her to the instructor. It is getting a bit better, well the deep sadness is there, but I can distract myself with all the e-mails in my work inbox and boxes of products at my desk…

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