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April 17, 2013

on April 17, 2013
Rough Nap :(

Rough Nap :(

We received three day sheets in a row with unhappy faces at nap time.  Twice, the teachers needed to reinforce the unhappy. :(

This isn’t the first time we’ve gotten a report like this.  It is the first time we’ve gotten three in a row.  Three days!  Gah!

We’ve spoken to Teagan before about how she needs to be quiet at nap time, even if she doesn’t nap.  About how she can ask to read a book quietly, if she doesn’t want to nap.  Letting her know that the teachers will let her read a book quietly, if she doesn’t want to nap.

Sigh.

She wasn’t quiet.  Three days in a row.

I’m not sure where she decided that yelling at the other kids who are trying to nap was a good idea.  She’s run around at nap time, singing loudly (she likes to sing*, she’s jumped on other kids cots.  Bad, bad.  We’ve talked to her too many times about this.   We’ve told her that she doesn’t want to nap that’s fine, but she doesn’t get to make that choice for her classmates.

Yesterday, after the purple highlighter and double unhappy faces, she was told that she’d lose her music at bedtime if we got another one today. Today, we got the third unhappy face for nap time in a row.

Tonight, Stu took away her cd player and box of cd’s.  No music at bedtime for her to go to sleep with.  Stu said that she was mildly curious when he unplugged the cd player, but lost it when he picked up the box of cd’s.  That’s when it hit home.  She will have no music at bedtime for a week (which she believes is only six days, but that’s another story).  A week may be a bit too long for a kid her age, but that’s what she was told the punishment would be.

She’s promised to be better tomorrow.  Stu told her as he tucked her in, that if she got a smiley face that she could have her music back tomorrow night.  We are going to say something to her in front of the teachers about how she needs to be good, especially at nap time.  We are going to let them know that we need to know how she behaved, that she’s gotten in trouble and could have her punishment reduced if she’s good.

Fingers crossed she’s good.  She can be so good.  She’s fun when she’s good.  I hate being mean.  It’s not any fun at all.

~~

* One time at lunch she was happy so she started singing.  Unfortunately, she chose to sing Cellphone by Beck.  The other children found the riff “One by one I’ll knock you out!” a bit disturbing.

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30 responses to “April 17, 2013

  1. Mrs Odie 2 says:

    Sounds like a good way to handle it. It’s so hard to be in your position, but it happens to all of us.

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks! Sometimes I wonder if we’re too strict about somethings. And I hate having to discipline. I’d much rather have a tickle war or sing songs than yell and send her to her room in a time out.

  2. ryndice says:

    Why do programs insist on nap time? Not all kids are nappers. Only one of my four was into it. I am sorry she missed her music and I hope tomorrow is all smiley faces on the day sheet. Bless her little, rambunctious heart! I like your kids and you are a Momalicious parent!

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks. They are pretty good kids, usually.

      The center they’re in has kids from weeks old to school age. The younger ones get several naps, and are allowed to nap as needed. The older ones are moved to a one-a-day nap. Both of my kids *need* that nap, though the older one doesn’t think she does. I wish there was a room or someplace she could go, or be sent to, when she starts acting up. Removing her from the situation usually helps a bit…

      Thankfully, she didn’t give too much trouble tonight, and seemed to go down quickly enough without her music playing. I have all my fingers and toes crossed that there’s a good report tomorrow!!

  3. Steve says:

    Stephen S* commented on your link.

    Stephen wrote: “Can I borrow her, please! I send home these unhappy smiley faced letters several times a week. It has no effect – the bastards still nap. Let me borrow your little rabble rouser to liven up my group!”

  4. Wendy says:

    Wendy B*S* commented on your link.

    Wendy wrote: “OMG. She’s going to get thrown out of preschool for this, isn’t she? ;-) Really though, have you pointed out to the teachers that you are not there when it is happening and it’s their job to handle it? Maybe not in those exact words… You just think they might be a bit more creative than sending home notes.”

    • lisasff says:

      Wendy: I don’t think they’ll kick her out, but they are getting very unhappy with her. The teachers know they’re in charge, and usually handle her and the other kids well. Not sure why she’s become so bad. We got another unhappy face today. Afternoon teacher said she was lovely though

      • Wendy says:

        Wendy wrote: Because she can? Children test limits whenever they have a chance and yes, they need to learn consequences. But Teagan isn’t “so bad.” Her behavior is bad. She isn’t. She’s just four (almost).

        • lisasff says:

          Well, we have 5 for 5 on nap time, though the teachers were quick to point out that before and after she was lovely. they gave us happy faces for everything but nap time. We’re going to ask the teachers/director if there’s something that seems to be her trigger. Maybe there are options for her for nap time – helping out for art or something…

          • Kathy W says:

            Stu, at least they aren’t ‘forcing’ her to nap….but asking a four year old to be quiet (especially one who is very active as Teagan) while others are napping can may be a concept that T doesn’t wholly understand yet. I really hope the teachers can come up with an activity that will engage T to sit quietly while the younger ones nap. As Wendy said, Teagan isn’t bad, just the behavior is labeled bad because it isn’t the behavior needed at the moment. Hugs to you all.

            • lisasff says:

              Yeah. It’s not an optimum situation. They’ve never really had a kid like Teagan either. All of the day care quiets down twice a day, with the post-lunch one being the most important one. Teagan is given books and asked to be quiet and read. She just can’t be quiet, and not jump on her cot. Day care knows that there are consequences for her actions – if she gets a frown she gets punished. We’ve asked that they detail her bad behavior, we need more than just the happy face or unhappy face. Especially after she was disrespectful and shouted at a teacher. Totally inappropriate. They’ve said she’s getting better, slowly. But better.

              • Kathy W says:

                Better is good….at least they are ‘helping’ by giving more input than just a smiley/unhappy face!! Hopefully it’s better even today Friday…a little late in reading remarks it seems. :-)

                • lisasff says:

                  we’re still seeing mixed behavior. But generally, not as bad as it was, but still not good enough for us to be happy. We’ll get there, I’m sure.

  5. Nina says:

    Nina commented on your link.

    Nina wrote: “I never took naps. Didn’t need em. Ever. Eventually people with brains let me read. As an adult I knit or read because I simply do not have the temperament or ability to be still and quiet. My older kid crochets or does origami. Discipline is one thing but to an extent activity level and gregariousness are inborn traits that are damn near impossible to stomp out. My parents could have KILLED me, I mean beaten me to death or done anything and I’d still have talked. My little one is that way too,all you can really do is accept it and learn to redirect it. tl:dr- they should find something for her to do quietly instead of nap if she doesnt need one or cant make herself be still.”

    • lisasff says:

      Nina: Teagan used to take naps up until she moved into the threes. We’ve tried giving her other options than singing or yelling and dancing at nap time – quiet time with a book, for example. We’re not sure what happened in the morning, but the teacher said she was very good in the afternoon. They all know that she’s being punished too.

  6. I agree with Ryndice. I only have one daughter and she rarely napped during the day. Yes, sometimes she needed to nap but to be honest I think she was afraid she was going to miss something. She also enjoyed reading and listening to music and got bored very quickly if left doing nothing. Maybe the nursery could actively work on involving Teagan in the decision making. She is more likely to conform if she has been given a real choice. For example, teacher allows her to choose to nap or listen to her music. One size doesn’t fit all. I suspect Teagan may be bored at nap time and rather than behaving as if attention seeking, she actually needs more attention and stimulation which should be provided by the staff. She’s just pushing the boundaries (maybe) earlier than some of the other children because she is more advanced than they are. You are quite right to work out a suitable punishment and decide how to implement it so don’t feel bad. We all go through these stages. I actually think the idea of giving smiley or sad faces in reports to parents is not only unhelpful but rather childish.
    Keep your chin up and keep up the great work!

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks! Both girls have been pretty good sleepers, though Teagan dropped her day care nap before three years old… Although there is a structured nap time, Teagan has never been forced to nap, when this started a bit ago, we suggested to her – with the teachers approval – that she read instead of napping. Not completely sure why this week has been so challenging, we’re going to chat with the teachers Monday, try to brainstorm options.

      • It’s so difficult when you aren’t there to see what actually happened. Good luck, I’m sure it will all blow over soon.

        • lisasff says:

          I know. And we still don’t know exactly what goes on… it’s strange how she gets ramped up. Today, I gave her sliced banana with orange segments for breakfast. She didn’t want the banana. Loudly. So, I took her banana slices and gave them to her sister. Then, T changed her mind and I tried to take some back from A. A protested. Loudly. Loudly enough to set the alarm off. Oops.

  7. ryndice says:

    I agreed with Oh Sew Tempting! Maybe Teagan could have an alternate activity. Quietly drawing in another room, listening to music with headphones on, “helping” a teacher with some task. As a kid, I know I never wanted the “nap” in kindergarten and that was 51 years ago!! Hope today was good :)

    • lisasff says:

      Yeah. We’re going to ask Monday to talk to the teachers to see if there’s a trigger or something. Maybe she can channel that energy to some good instead of something so disruptive… She’s good in the morning and in the afternoon. It’s just nap time.

  8. Kathy W says:

    Well, it seems that everyone has given good ‘advice’ and sympathy and I’ll add mine too. :-) I like the idea of the ‘other room’ for activities while the rest of the kids nap or the helping the teacher thing. I’m sure that would interest her more than being MADE to lie down and be still when that is the last thing she wants to do. Hopefully, with the punishment at home and the admonishments daily when dropping her off will do he trick. I also agree that the teachers could give a more thorough report about what was happening and what had happened before nap time too. Sometimes the activity right before could still have her ‘geared up’ to be awake, not ready to nap. Just some thoughts. And yes, you both are fantastic parents. Hugs

    • lisasff says:

      Thanks :D

      We’re going to find out if there’s something that’s triggering such disruptive behavior. See if we can brainstorm options for her to focus her energy to good, not evil :D Today’s note and quick discussion at pick up was that Teagan was wonderful both in the morning and afternoon, it was just nap time that was problematic.

  9. Stu says:

    To be clear, Daycare aren’t forcing Teagan to nap, they’re just asking her to respect the need of the other children to nap, including the very young babies.

    Whatever’s going on, I’m sure she’ll grow out of it; she’s four and she’s a delightful child to take to a restaurant or to hang out with other kids… She just feels no silence should go unbroken.

  10. Kris A says:

    I wonder if they would let her have an mp3 player and lay quietly and listen to music or an audio book? You can buy really cheap mp3’s…or would the music make her sing? We were lucky that both kids wouldn’t sleep but would lay down, though both daycares only enforced 45 min. of quiet time and then they could get up and do quiet activities,like coloring.

    • lisasff says:

      That may be a good idea. Though I’m worried she’d sing along, like she does in her room at bedtime. And that’s with a cd player, not a mp3 player. Coloring might be a better option, though they ask that the kids don’t wander around, that’s one of the problems.

      Anyway, we’ve asked that the school clarify a little what her bad behavior is, so we can be proportional with the punishments. Sigh. It’s not fun.

  11. […] April 17, 2013 (lisasff.wordpress.com) […]

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