What to muse about today?

February 28, 2011

Sigh.  My baby doesn’t love me any more.  She doesn’t listen to me either.  The past several days she just doesn’t listen.  I don’t yell at her that often, I try to distract instead, but sometimes she’ll do something really dangerous and you need to. 

Yesterday, she was banging, hard, on the play room windows with a toy.  You could hear the glass rattle.  I yelled.  Loudly.  She didn’t stop.  Stu heard me from the other room and came in.  He then yelled at her, and she stopped. 

I know the whole point is for her to stop doing a dangerous action.  That it doesn’t matter who she listens to, who she obeys.  Still.  I felt ineffectual.  How can I discipline her if she doesn’t listen to me?

Distractions.  This I have a bit better success with.  She does seem to listen to me, move on to the distraction, to something else.  You just can’t always use distractions.

She used to listen to me.  She used to come up and give me spontaneous hugs.  Stu seems to get most of the hugs lately.  I know that this is because he’s been dealing with her more – getting her up, taking her to day care, picking her up, putting her to bed.  I know it’s temporary, or at least I hope it is.  Still.  It hurts.  When I ask her if mama can have a hug, and she says “no,” it hurts.


PS.  Teagan’s Tunes page  has been updated…


February 26, 2011

Slade - Keep Your Hands Off My Power SupplyGotta love starting a post and then not getting back to it.  LOL.  There are some good things about the WP iPod app, and some bad..  So, I had started writing about how in the play room most of yesterday there were three songs that Teagan asked for “moar:”

  1. SladeRun Runaway (in today’s WILFing expedition, I hadn’t realized there were bagpipes in it!  LOL!  Teagan has an ear for them, it seems.
  2. David Bowie – Changes
  3. Leona Naess – Anything

She also got quite into Seven Nations and Hair of the Dog – stopping whatever play she was involved in to dance dance dance.  My little Irish Princess.

As Stu was being a love and putting the desk together yesterday, Teagan and I played in the play room.  At one time, I was crawling around on the floor (yes, doing a breech exercise, LOL!) picking up toys and putting them away.  I ended up going into the open knees chest position.  Teagan came up gave me a kiss, and then mimicked the position next to me.

She also copied Stu.  On one excursion from the play room to the front, we passed Stu lying under the desk, tightening something up.  She bolted into the den and gave him a kiss and then stole a screwdriver.  I herded her back into the front, so we could get her (and me!) something to eat.  The next time I left her, so I could have a bio-break, she went and lay down under the desk, with a screwdriver (backwards).  She’s really a sweet kid, and quick too.


February 25, 2011

Stu has been bringing Teagan to day care most mornings.  He tells me that they usually sing in the car – the name song, listing everyone in the family.  From Mama all the way down to the cat.  Sometimes they just sing along to the radio.  When they get to the parking lot at Day Care, they do an “I spy” type game, which now includes various adjectives – I see two white busses, one red car, etc.

Yesterday, after a short ride of song, they get to Day Care and get out of the car.  Teagan yells “Mama!” and points at a guy getting out of a jeep.  Stu gently corrects her, “that’s not mama, that’s a man in a black jeep.”  Teagan then sings back “baa baa black cheep!”

LOL!  I wish I had been there.

Stu said that the man and jeep were there when he picked her up.  She did it again.


February 24, 2011

Successful Cesarean section performed by indig...

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday was not a good day.  Although I got to work from home, I felt icky all day…  Contractions and Braxton Hicks felt almost non-stop.  For giggles I timed them, at worst they were every 3-4 minutes.  Nothing to really be worried about – I could breathe through them – but uncomfortable.

Today, at the midwife visit, she confirmed that as long as I can breathe through them, there’s really nothing to worry about.  They know that they’re not progressing anything.   Just annoying and uncomfortable.    She also confirmed that the baby is still breech, joked about how this kid just spins around willy-nilly.  Her head is on the left now, feet to the right.  SHe had one hand up by her head, but still butt down.  One good thing.  I could start doing the “exercises” again, because I want to get her turned before she runs out of room and any extra space she’s playing around in is gone.

I asked what they would do if the placenta didn’t move far enough for the High-Risk doctors.  She said that since I’d prefer to avoid a c-section they would evaluate it, but that I needed to be aware of the risks.  They wouldn’t let me go if it stays marginal or even low-lying.  She said they may allow if it moved “far enough.”  That’s good enough for now.

Also, I asked if they would allow me to delivery vaginally if the placenta resolved but she stayed breech (not footling, I know they won’t do that).  She said that she’d recommend an external version at 37 weeks and depending, they’d see.  She didn’t out and out rule it out though.

So, although we’d like to avoid a c-section, as time ticks down, it’s becoming more and more likely.  I’m a bit more anxious about having major surgery.  But I guess it’s known versus the unknown.

I go back in two weeks.  This won’t be for a “placenta check” but another midwife visit.  Placenta check will be in 4 weeks.  They’ll switch me over to heparin then too.


February 22, 2011

So, a timely post from one of the sites I enjoy reading.  Granted she’s several weeks behind me, but after Thursday, some of my “chill” is melting away.  I’m getting anxious to get some stuff done. 

Aw… shit!

I haven’t made an actual list yet, it’s mostly in my head, but it wouldn’t take too much.  Let’s see:

  1. Paint Teagan’s room – we had lost the paint chip so were trying to find a new color that we liked as much.  I found it, but we haven’t gotten the pain yet.
  2. Find paint for this new bunny’s room (and then paint it!)  I have the bedding picked out, and it’s sitting there waiting, but I haven’t figured out a color yet.  I have put the curtains up!
  3. Change out the curtain rods.  Teagan’s room has nice curtain rods up, but the room (currently) that will become the new baby’s room doesn’t.  It just has those c shaped rods.  No finials or anything.  It works for now though.
  4. Get the dresser put together.  This means pulling the old dresser out of the room.  Then I could put clothes away and start putting things where they’ll belong.  I can’t help Stu move the old dresser, nor can I do much to help put the new one together.  <sigh>  This is probably the first thing that should be on this list.
  5. Put the crib together.  Another thing that I can’t really help with.  Since we’re planning on having the baby sleep in our room for the first few weeks – while she’s still getting up every few hours to eat – this isn’t quite as important.  But if it’s together, (and we paint) I can decorate a bit, for when we move her in.  We’re going to leave the beds in there for the first few weeks, so that there’s a place for people to stay, other than the basement. 
  6. Get the night tables put together.  Yes, everything is still flat-packed.  This, I may be able to do.  Maybe I’ll peek at the boxes.
  7. Empty the top and move the china cabinet.  It’s sitting on a warped part of the floor, and one door is torked open at the bottom.  It just needs a little push about an inch to the left.  We’ve done this once before, but didn’t get it quite far enough.  This time, I’ll put some heavy boxes on the shelf to double-check the placement. 
  8. Finish putting the office desk together.  Then I can file away the stuff that belongs in cabinets that I can’t get into right now.
  9. Reload iTunes on the new computer that Stu built.  I’m out of podcasts, and I need new music for the iPod.  I need to be sure there’s at least one Radiohead song on there (to help ensure the coolness of this new baby.  LOL!)
  10. I should go through Teagan’s drawers and pull out the receiving blankets (or just some of them) and the burp rags to put in the babies room.
  11. Pull all the newborn stuff out of the basement, and figure out if I’m missing things, or if there are things I’ll need.
  12. Wash the car seat lining.
  13. Get a hospital bag packed.  EEPS!

Ok, that’s more of a list than I thought I had.  And, I’m sure there’s more.  If I really thought about it, I’d totally freak out with everything that needs to be done.  52 days if she doesn’t come early, like she may be threatening to.  Right now, I just want to lie down and not think about it.   This baby better leave me enough time to get things done!

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February 21, 2011

Ultrasound Machine

Image by DoNotLick via Flickr

This baby is so grounded!  She’s not even here yet, and she’s in trouble!  The ultrasound showed that she’s turned, she’s breech again.  At least this time she’s a frank breech – butt down, head up, feet by her head – and not footling.  One good thing.

Today’s appointment with the High-Risk people was a mixed bag, though mostly disappointing.  Doctor visit along with an ultrasound to check growth and placenta position.  First thing we saw in the scan was that she’s butt down again.  The tech was very impressed with how flexible this little girl is.  I almost asked for a picture of her spine – it looked like it was almost bent in half.  OUCH!

No pictures today though, as she was facing my back…  oh well.

Some good news, her growth has slowed down a bit, which is nice.  Now, she’s measuring in the 80th percentile, not 93rd.  Belly, leg, arm length are almost normal, it’s her big noggin that’s pushing up the percentile.  Nice.  This is totally Stu’s fault.  LOL!  Teagan’s head circumference was in the 60th percentile when she was born.  I do vaguely remember the ultrasound techs saying something about her having a big head before she was born.

Placenta has moved a little bit, it seems.  The expert doctor asked the resident if she would consider it “marginal” or “low-lying.”  They ended up deciding it was still  “marginal.”  I’ve progressed from partial to marginal!  According to the resident, and the doctor I saw after the scan, if it was going to resolve, it most likely would have by now.  Although there is still a chance.  It could still happen.  They asked if I wanted to schedule a section now or come back for a last scan.  Ever the optimist, I decided to come back for one more scan.  Next appointment is March 21st.  We’ll see what happens then.

The peek at my cervix that the midwives requested showed that it was about 5cm long.  Longer than they expected it to be, at 32 weeks.  LOL.  So, those contractions that are getting a bit more annoying aren’t progressing.  Good thing, it’s still too early.

After the scan, the doctor I saw was quite pessimistic.  The one good thing, she did recommend that I stop taking the Procardia.  Yay!  Since I was having an adverse reaction and I’ll be watched closely by the midwives at my practice, she was ok with stopping the medication.  It wouldn’t have stopped premature labor anyway, just slow it down.  Of course, I’m supposed to call if the contractions get bad, take my breath away, blah blah blah.

We then discussed the placenta.  This is where she was the most pessimistic.  She said it wasn’t impossible for it to continue to move, to resolve enough for a vaginal birth.  She really gave me the impression she didn’t think it would.  With that and the baby breech, she’d recommend a section.  That there was risk of placental abruption, higher bleeding risk.  I asked if the placenta did move a bit more, and  the baby stayed frank (or complete) breech would it was possible to avoid a section, or if the placenta didn’t resolve any more but the baby turned, or if it didn’t could we then try to turn the baby.   She was very against doing an External Version.  With Lovenox/Heparin, they don’t like doing them, but it would be up to my normal practice.  Even if the placenta resolved.  It also would be up to the normal practice to decide to deliver if the baby stayed breech.  She was a bit less clear about if the placenta didn’t resolve and the baby turned.

So, a bit of good news and some bad.  I’m not too worried about turning the baby.  She’s turned before, she was head down Thursday.  I think she flipped last night, I did have a bit of roller-coaster feeling.


I totally forgot that the other bit of bad news was that I’m not supposed to pick up more than 20 pounds any  more.  Teagan weighs over 25 pounds now :(  I can carry her, just not pick her up.  <sigh>


February 18, 2011

Red sofa

Image via Wikipedia

Most of today was spent on the sofa.  With my feet up.  Even sitting up (at a table) was uncomfortable.  The first of my “modified,” more relaxed days.  Impossible to completely slow down, but slower, can be done. 

Stu got Teagan up and dressed, as he very often does, and brought her downstairs.  I got my morning hug, on the sofa, and get up to put her in her chair.  Ouch.  Asked Stu to get her out when she was done.  Piglet had two pieces of string cheese for breakfast, with both dada and mama in attendance.  Dada was not allowed to have any.  LOL.  She’s been insisting on an audience, that one of us sit with her while she eats.  It’s usually me, as I feed her dinner, though sometimes I’ll give her her food, and go take care of something in the kitchen.  Now, she demands that one of us be there.

Stu takes her off to day care almost the second she’s done.  It’s a relief, in a way, as I can go and put my feet up on the sofa.  It feels horrible that I’m glad I don’t have to play with my baby…  but the bending, standing, dashing to save something from breaking is getting more and more difficult.  Painful at times.

It was nice being able to work from the sofa today.  I really only got up to get something to drink, eat (cereal! quick and easy!) and go to the bathroom.  That’s more than often than is fun.

Even with doing almost nothing, I could feel contractions that were every 4-12 minutes at first.  Yeah, there’s an app for that.   I didn’t get around to the Procardia pill until about 10am.  (I don’t like how the medication makes me feel.  Sort of light-headed and separate from my body.  I’ll need to mention this to the doctors on Monday).  As there was not much pain – I didn’t need to breathe through them – I chalked it up to a slightly active morning and a delayed pill.  I lay down for a bit during lunch, and this afternoon they were every 10-15 minutes apart.  Much better.  I still needed to lie down for a bit at the end of the afternoon.


Stu came home from day care with a funny story.  He drops Teagan in the young toddler room, there are already three other kids there – the little black kid who calls Stu dada, a new boy and a girl.  The boy comes up to Stu and says “hi dada!”  Teagan was in a very huggy mood this morning, and is giving his leg a big hug and kiss.  He tries to disentangle himself and get her to get involved in the room – breakfast, the play house, the ball pit – so he can leave.  He suggests she go say hi to the little black boy.  Teagan walks up to him – the boy – and lifts up her shirt.  Belly!  LOL! 

Maybe this means that I shouldn’t show her my belly – the baby – any more.  LOL.


February 17, 2011

Clear apple juice from concentrate in a bottle.

Image via Wikipedia

Today was a fun day.  Started off well enough, baby slept through the night.  That is good enough reason to celebrate.  I head out to my midwife appointment to see if the baby turned.  Good news, she has.  she’s head down, with feet towards my left.  I thought she may have moved, as I started feeling her kicks and punches in new areas than before.  It took a minute to be sure, she almost wheeled in the portable ultrasound machine, because I was contracting every time she tried to feel the baby’s position.

Then things turned less good.  In telling the midwife my newest symptoms (the ones I was bitching about last night), she decided that an NST (nonstress test) would be a good idea.  So, we hook me up to the two sensors.  As I hadn’t had any breakfast, they gave me some juice (apple, ick!) to help motivate the baby.  I hate apple juice.  So, after about 10 minutes or so, they come in and check the records.  The baby’s been running a low base line, and I’ve been contracting more frequently than they like.  She does a quick check on my cervix, and said that she wasn’t concerned.  About any of it, but they wanted to monitor me (and the baby) further, that she was going to have me go to Labor & Delivery.

Wonderful.  I called Stu and told him how the appointment went, and where I was going.  Told him that no one was concerned, they just wanted to monitor me a bit more.  I’d call once I knew what was up, if there was anything up.

So, off I went.  I’ve never driven myself to the hospital before.  I also wasn’t sure where I was going, once I eventually got there (took two wrong turns).  Everyone in the hospital was super nice though.  Finally, I walk into L&D Triage, only to see Joy, my labor nurse from two years ago with Teagan.  LOL!  We joke as I get hooked up to their machine.  She said that I needed to drink some juice to fire up the baby, I asked if I could have anything but apple juice.  Joy brings some joy in the form of cranberry juice.

So, sitting in the triage room, hooked up to the NST machine, a heart machine (mine was racing, baby’s was a bit slow, but not scary-slow).  It turns out that this baby is just super-chill.  She rocks and rolls, but with a lower heart rate.  Not lower than the minimum baseline, but right on it.  I don’t think she was still most of the 2 hours of monitoring.

The contractions were more worrisome.  I knew I was having some of them, but not as many as I actually was.  When I got there, contractions were every 2-6 minutes apart, and strong.  Not so much that I needed to breathe through them, as I told the midwife.  First they had someone come to measure my cervix.  Fun.  Joy helped me take off my pants as I wasn’t supposed to stand up at the time.  Cervix is long and closed.  Yay!  The tech took a peek, but doesn’t think the previa has resolved.  (Sob!)

As there was no progression, they could give me something to stop the contractions.  They were going to give me a Terbutaline shot, but my heart was a bit racy, so, instead of another shot (yay!) they decided to do three rounds of Procardia to see if that would work.  I guess it really was premature labor, although there wasn’t any progression.  It was more than just Braxton Hicks, or false labor, or else they wouldn’t have been as interested in stopping them.

So, around 1:30 they give me the first pill.  I asked Joy if there was anything at all to eat.  I hadn’t had anything all day except for some cranberry juice, apple juice and water.  She found me some graham crackers (eh) and peanut butter and a packet of jelly.  It was the best peanut butter I’ve ever had.

Thirty minutes later, they come back to take my blood pressure and give me the second pill.  Checking the NST record, I’m still contracting every 2-6 minutes, but I think they said the peaks were lower.  I beg to be allowed up to go to the bathroom.  I snag my laptop to see if I can get on-line, my iPod battery is just about dead.  I get my second pill and wait, all hooked up again.

Thirty minutes later, same routine, blood pressure, bathroom break, read the record, hook back up.  Turns out that the contractions are slowing down.  I’m now at every 5-7 minutes.  Yay.  With bouts of irritable uterus in between.  Well, that’s not new, I had that before with Teagan.  However, I’m now dying of thirst and have a headache. 

After the third dose, contractions slowed down to about every 10 minutes, still with the cranky uterus.  Good enough for them to release me.  Pam, the midwife in triage, said that I would need to take a pill every day, and monitor the contractions.  That the longer the baby is inside the better.  Yeah, I knew that.  So, goal is 36 weeks, when most premies can leave with the mother.  Pam didn’t seem overly concerned about my being able to make it that long.

So, the trip to L&D ran about 4 hours total.  I was exhausted when I got home, though booted up the laptop and checked work mail.  Called my boss.  IM’ed Stu.

I’ll now be treated to weekly midwife/doctor visits now, and each visit will probably entail an NST along with a cervix check.  I might luck out and not have cervix checks, one can only hope.  I’m also hoping that I don’t get too many headaches from the Procardia.  It would be nice to not have another “complication.”


February 16, 2011

Today I felt like a cow.  Tired of being pregnant, achy, uncomfortable.  My clothes don’t fit any more.  Overnight, they stopped fitting.  I’m not going to buy clothes I’m only going to wear for a month or so.  I’m tired of the swelling (yay for sock rings), the aches (lower and mid-back), pains, pressure, heartburn, cramps, Braxton Hicks, being out of breath.  Lightning pains.  Varicose veins, bleeding gums, runny nose.  Constipation.  Peeing 50 times a day.  Daily needles.  Insomnia.  Not being able to sleep on my back.  Stairs kill me.  Picking up Teagan hurts, feels like my insides are going to fall out.  It’s too early for them to fall out.  It’s too early to feel this bad.  The midwives say that second pregnancies are more uncomfortable.  Great.

The clothes are a bit worrying though.  I’ve actually lost weight this week, (yay me!), so it’s not that I’m growing out of them.  It has to be edema – swelling, fluid gain.  I don’t need another complication in this pregnancy.  There’s been enough already.

Tomorrow I find out if the baby is still breech.  I have a midwife appointment.  Although I’ve tried to do the exercises (yay for lying on the floor and getting out of breath!) as often as I can, I haven’t been able to do them every day.  There’s still time, that is, if the placenta moves.  Monday we have a scan to see how much it’s moved.  I hope it has.

Ok, enough wining about me.

Teagan was not a good sleeper last night.  I woke up around 4am, feeling crampy and achy.  Lower back ache.  Debated for a while if I should go down to the sofa, reposition (recline!) and try to distract from the icky feeling. 

Teagan decided that she was “all dun” sleeping and cried out, she wanted to eat.  No, she was wet.  No, stinky.  Bum!  She wasn’t.  I get her back down with a new pacifier (bubble!), covered her with a blankie, and went back to bed.  20 minutes later, she’s up again.  Wet.  Stinky.  Ok, I check again, her thin blanket is a bit wet, so off to the changing table we go.  Her diaper is wet, but not soaking.  Her pj’s were dry though.  Weird.  Back into bed, though she says “Eat, all dun.  Eat.  Wet.  Book.  Sit. Rock”  No baby, it’s bed time, back to sleep. 

Twenty minutes later, she’s up again.  Stu got up this time to settle her.  He closed the door, with the cat inside.  I get up to let the cat out.  He may have gotten up to her one more time before it was my turn again.  I may have dozed a bit.  Yay for me! 

So, I go to her, and still she’s saying “wet,” so I look around.  The front of her pj’s had a track down them.  She must have thrown up, just a little.  As I’m trying to get her to lie back down, she starts throwing up again.  Just a little.  I pick her up (ouch!) and rock her a bit, patting her on the back.  She snuggles in to my neck and appears to go back to sleep.  So back into her crib she goes. 

By now, it’s almost 6:30.  So when she wakes up (again!), I ask if she wants to come sleep in mama’s bed.  She nods.  So, back into bed we go.  She wants to pat dada, and give him a kiss.  No, sweetie, dada’s sleeping, ssshhhhh.  We need to sleep until the beep-beep-beep.  This works, she dozes for about 20 minutes and then wants to pet the cat, dada, go eat.

The alarm finally goes off.  Stu does not wake up.   Oops.  Teagan gives him a kiss.  Dada grunts, and rolls over.  He doesn’t feel well, but he gets up, gets her dressed and fed and takes her to day care.  I get to shower and drink my coffee, blearily, but calmly.


February 15, 2011

Surprise!!! 4/365

Image by bensonkua via Flickr

I totally forgot that on Sunday Teagan went up to Stu and opened his fly.  LOL! 

In a way, I’m surprised that she hadn’t done this before now.  She comes up to me, lifts my shirt up and gives my belly kisses.  She’ll wave at the belly and say “hi baby!”  That’s very cute. 

Stu wasn’t paying attention, he must have been watching something on his laptop.  Teagan was wandering around the family room, half paying attention to the videos (Barley Mow? Lilly the Pink?More Irish Folk Music?).  His pyjama bottoms were slightly open.  Teagan walked up to him and opened them the rest of the way.  She had a curious look on her face.  I’m not sure she understood what she saw.  Surprise!  Anyway, Stu closed his fly quickly enough.  I think he was a bit embarrassed about the whole thing.  No, embarrassed isn’t the word, maybe uncomfortable?  Teagan didn’t ask any questions then. 

She does notice things, she’s not completely oblivious.  For example, Sunday, Stu shaved for the first time in about five days.  He had quite the five-o’clock shadow going.  When he came back in the room, she looked at him, tilted her head to the side.  Stu asked her where dada’s whiskers went.  She did her “dunno” expression with both hands raised.  “Where did dada’s whiskers go?”  “Dunno!  All dun!”

I’m sure it’s going to be a question she’ll ask soon enough.  I’m sure she noticed that dada’s built a bit differently than mama, than she is.  It’ll come up again.  It was funny though.