What to muse about today?

July 14, 2010

on July 14, 2010

So many things have been going on since the last entry (a month ago!!) that I should do a catch up post, tell about Teagan walking, her getting Roseola (not fun),  our new washer and dryer (whirlpool, yay!), our A/C needing to be replaced (entire compressor is shot!), my first away trip from the baby (I survived!), or even my car issues (stupid door alarm!), but I really feel like ranting about how people can be so unknowingly insensitive.  <sigh>

I don’t know why people do it.  I’m sure they don’t actually think about it before the words leave their mouths.  It sucks.  Just this week alone, I’ve been asked at least three times when we’ll be having the next baby, when Teagan will have a “little brother or little sister.”  How am I supposed to answer?  A question that’s been tormenting me enough as it is.  I can’t give them the real answer, just say that soon after we decided not to prevent and “see what happens” we had a “happy surprise” that turned into a prolonged emotionally draining and physically exhausting missed miscarriage followed by a D&C.  That’s MUCH more information than most people need, or want, to know.  That we haven’t been lucky again since then?  Do I want to make people feel bad for having asked what, in our case, is an inappropriate and increasingly heart wrenching question?  No.  No, I don’t.  So, I end up saying something about Teagan is such a joy that we want to enjoy her for a bit more.  Not that that’s not true, she brightens my heart, we do want to enjoy her.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work, so then I try to mumble something about being old, blah blah blah.  Sometimes that works.  Sometimes not.   

I just wish people would think before they ask such a personal, potentially intrusive, and possible painful question.  Sometimes I wish they’d go ask Stu…


8 responses to “July 14, 2010

  1. Tina B. says:

    Sweetie, they will never stop. I still get the question. “No kids? Why?” Or some variation of that. You know, I’m 41 if I don’t have kids by now, I either don’t want them or couldn’t have them. If I don’t want them, that’s irritating to assume that I should. If I did want them and couldn’t have them, why don’t you rub it in just a little bit more? And what makes you think you have the right to know why I don’t have them.
    They aren’t trying to be insensitive, they are trying to be polite!!! Show some interest in you and what you are doing in your life. I have to laugh that they can create such pain because they were taught properly while growing up.
    Hugs, sweetie.

    • lisasff says:

      Yeah, I know it’ll never stop. I just needed to bitch about it. I had a friend suggest that I just tell them the truth – that I had the m/c and go from there. I’m not sure if I like having Joe Schmoe know, especially Joe from work, where there’s a slightly different can of worms about trying to get pregnant and failing. They don’t always see the failing, but get too concerned about the possibility of being and then not coming back.

      It’s a barrel of worms all around.

  2. Lisa says:

    Lori G* commented on your post:

    “I have an answer for your dilemma but I would rather tell you in person (and hear you giggle : ) . Are haircuts on the 17th or the 24th?”


    Can’t get into Facebook… :(

    Could it be something about having fun practicing? :) When it’s not a work environment, then I do say something along those lines :D

    We will be at haircuts, and then going to see Rocky Horror!!

  3. lisasff says:

    Kat * commented on your post:

    “Some people don’t use their brains before using their mouths. Smile and ask “and why do you need to know that?” see what kind of reaction that’ll get.


    He he he! I like how your mind works. I need a “safe for work” reply now.

    It’s weird, there must be something in the air… one of my favorite blogs had an entry yesterday (that I swear I didn’t get to see before i wrote mine) Not quite the same subjet, but oh, so in the same ballpark:


    • lisasff says:

      Lori G* commented on your post:

      “Good one, Kat. : )
      I like that answer better that what I was going to say.”


      Hum… so, practice makes perfect?


    • lisasff says:

      Kat * commented on your post:

      “hang in there. ”


      Hanging! :)

  4. Stephanie says:

    It took us 8 years to get our boys. And, because I did hair for a living, I met new people all the time. Which meant I got asked about why I didn’t have kids all. the. time. I tried thinking of creative answers that were more diplomatic (and I did use them at work most of the time). But, there were times that I just couldn’t stand it and I found that giving the TMI long aren’t-you-sorry-you-asked? answer was the best route to take.

    I thought that, in some ways, it might spare the next person the pain of that question if I made it uncomfortable for that person to pry into the reproductive lives of others. Maybe they’d think twice about asking.

    Nothing like the story of infertility+two tubal pregnancies+fallopian tube rupture+surgeries+failed IVFs+miscarriage to give someone a huge heaping helping of shut the fuck up.

    But, then you can’t go by me. I don’t mind making people uncomfortable. :P LOL

    • lisasff says:

      Yeah, nothing like making people feel uncomfortable for asking a question they really shouldn’t. I do think that most times it’s best to tell the truth, it’s easier in the long run, even if it is a bit more difficult at first.

      Now, after reading your story, I feel bad for whining about my “troubles” and my hurt feelings. I’ve had nothing like what you’ve gone through. I can’t imagine at all… and my heart goes out to you. You have two ADORABLE boys, even with all that… You must just hug them to death every day, thanking your stars that you actually *have* them.

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