February 13, 2012

bbbbbbettahhhhh

She’s doing so much better today.  My brave girl.  The IV did help.

Her morning diaper was soaked.  Drenched.  A total flood like we haven’t seen in days.  Yay!  She nursed well, was in a good mood, a better mood than she’s been in lately.  So nice to see her back.  We hadn’t realized how reduced, how diminished she was.  She usually shines brighter than she has been.

Instructions from the ER docs on discharge were to make sure she drinks 30ml ever hour she’s awake.  If she has any diarrhea, then to add an additional 20ml.

Most of the day was spent trying to get fluid into her and waiting for a wet diaper.  Waiting for the Tinkle Fairy, as someone said.  We only got two slightly damp diapers.  Not too bad, after the morning heavy.  We also got two poopsplosions.   Great.  More fluid to try to get back into her.

Force-feeding her pedialyte through a syringe is not fun.  She won’t take it any other way, unless she’s thirsty and sleeping.  You have to hold her arms down and put the syringe in, forcing her to swallow.  Most will go in, some escapes.  She fights, she cries.  I hate making her cry.

At least now, when she cries, she can make tears.  Watching her cry, and not having any tears just tore my heart in two.

Stu and I were only able to get about 100ml into her.  We should have given her about 200ml.  Now, since she did nurse, and nursed several times today, that reduces the total amount needed.  But we still didn’t get enough into her.  She’ll be in day care tomorrow, and they’ll need to try to get her to drink, too.  She’ll get four 90ml bottles of breast milk, so that should make up the bulk of what she’ll need.

Hopefully, it will all go well.  I’m a little anxious about it.

Oh.  And she’ll say “mama” now, and mean me.  She doesn’t just say it when she’s crying and wants me.  Pretty cool.

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February 11, 2012

Poor baby, swaddled up at the hospital. Sleeping for a little bit before she was poked and prodded. Again.

We were sent by the on-call doctor because she got very very dehydrated. And puked a lot.  And was listless.

She was crying and didn’t have enough moisture to make tears. Heartbreaking.

We tried to make her drink. But she still got dehydrated.

We were admitted, they debated on if she had fifths disease too, or if that was the cause. I was yelling inside, that it wasn’t fifths.

Ashlin ended up perking up and tried to make friends with kids in the waiting room and in the hallway.

As we were released, to continue what we’ve been doing, the discharge nurse told me that Ashlin was the most adorable kid that was in the ER tonight. I’m sure she says that to everyone.

We’re home. She’s sleeping. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Sigh.

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January 10, 2012

Today, I took Christmas down and packed it away.   It’s always a sad day when Christmas gets taken down. I do like having the house all lit up, twinkling and sparkling with decorations.  Sigh.  They’re all down now.  Or, I think they are.  I’m sure I’ll find something I missed.

It always takes a few days to get all  (or some), of the decorations up. I never try to do it in one day, but spread it over a few days so it’s not annoying. Being in a new house, one that we didn’t really decorate before, I needed to get some more decorations. There’s so much more house to decorate!  And a toddler that is beginning to understand Christmas, and decorations, and magic.

She was sad to see that the magic was put away.  The drive home the past few weeks has been filled with trying to explain why she doesn’t see as many “candles” as she used to.  She wants them to be on all the time – even during the day.  So sweet.

So, I explained why people take them down, and why we didn’t until today.  That each holiday has different decorations, hearts for valentines, ghosts and bats for Halloween, turkeys and pumpkins for thanksgiving.  We took those down, even though they were fun.  Explaining that we can’t keep the “candles” and other Christmas decorations up all the time, or we loose the “special”, the wonder, the magic.

I’m not sure she understood.  She was sad when she saw the christmas tree wasn’t there any more.  But then she saw the candy penguin that someone gave me, and was happy again.

I miss the lights.  I miss the magic.

Is it Christmas yet?

November 9, 2011

So, I had a post all but written about being pissed off after the crappy commute home I had. About missing out on some of the precious few minutes with the girls before bedtime.  One hour 13 minutes for a 27 mile drive.  One that normally takes just about 25 minutes.

Stu just read me the updated traffic report.  Single car roll-over with two passengers ejected from the car.  Neither made it.  They closed the road in both directions, as they needed one direction for the reconstruction team.

How can you still be upset after learning that?  You at least got home, able to see your family, your friends one more time.  Got to have a lovely dinner, relax, smooch the kids.  These poor people didn’t get this chance.  Maybe they were on the way to dinner, to a movie, to the doctor.  We’ll never know.

Just makes you want to hug everyone hard.  Hold on to them a bit longer.

October 14, 2011

The Girls

Friday.  It’s finally Friday.  It’s been a long week.  And I’m kinda glad it’s over.

Monday was mostly fun, having both girls home, going shopping, playing, being with them.

Tuesday night was not fun.  Ashlin was sick again.  A lot.  The on-call doctor thought that she may have caught a stomach bug or something.  She was mostly better by Wednesday morning, but Tuesday night, she was not good.  Crying as she vomited, crying after she did, low temperature.  She would cry and then snuggle in as if for warmth and comfort.  She got some Pedialyte and dozed fitfully on me and then in the bouncy.  After a few hours, Stu woke me for my shift.  I stayed on the sofa with her in front of me, terrified that she would start vomiting again after nursing.  She didn’t, thankfully.  But neither of us slept well.

Wednesday was a recovery day.  As Ashlin was better, and I so needed sleep, we sent her to day care.  I thought we’d get a call, but we lucked out.  Maybe it was the wrong decision to make, but oh, it was a nice day not needing to worry about another human beings survival for a little while.  Worked from home, as I probably shoudln’t have driven a heavy motor vehicle at fast speeds.

Yesterday was crazy busy at work.  But I had ice cream.  Twice.  The Starbucks Mocha Frappachino ice cream bar is very nice.

And today, it’s game night!  Woo woo!

PS.  She’s babbling!

September 8, 2011 ~ Day Care Update

Around lunch time, I ended up calling day care to see how Ashlin was holding up.  (I was concerned about whether she took a bottle or not.  Really.  It wasn’t because I missed her.  Really).

Turns out that she was doing ok, though not having a spectacular start to her day care experience.  She did nap off and on most of the morning, in the swing and in her crib.  By the time that all the naps were over, it had been about 4 hours since Ashlin had last eaten, so she was a bit cranky.  They hadn’t wanted to wake her, as she was getting used to the new environment.  So, cranky baby who doesn’t really like bottles?  It didn’t go too well, she ended up taking 2oz over an hour, really making the instructor work for it.  I was pretty happy she took something.

When I walked in to pick her up, she was in the swing, crying.  According to the afternoon instructor, she had just started that minute.  A few minutes before she had been playing and smiling.  Ashlin loved their play-gym mat, and the excersaucer they have (theirs rocks too).  She also really enjoyed the swing.  They had tried to give the second bottle, but Ashlin didn’t want any of it, but was obviously hungry.  Poor baby.

I go get her sister and get home to nurse my baby.  Ashlin is obviously tired, as her nap schedule has been thrown off by the new place, new sounds, new people.  Today may not have been the best day to start her, as there were three instructors today, where usually there are only two.  They’re sure that next time, Ashlin will do better, not that she did all that badly today.  She will get used to taking bottles, and sleeping in a new place with new people and new sounds.

I’ll get used to it too.

September 8, 2011

Where am I?

The day started off ok – well, ok enough for a first day back at work.  Up early to shower and get dressed, then downstairs to the coffee my husband made me.  A moment with e-mail and news to enjoy the coffee.  Back up to dry my hair and finish getting ready.

The babies cooperated as well.  Ashlin was quietly waiting for me to go get her out of her crib to nurse.  What a huge smile she gave me when she finally noticed me peeking over the crib.  Almost made me forget about the screaming and crying at 2:30am.  She was a hungry baby!

Stu came up after a bit to wake Teagan up.  She woke up in a sweet mood too.  So nice when she does, makes you want to play with her all day when she’s cute and sweet like that.  She asked for two piggy tails, please.  Sure thing, sweetness!

Kiss please, mommy!

I comb Teagan’s hair while Stu brings all the bags (OMG!  So many bags!) out to the car.  He was working from home thanks to early conference calls and training, so I was the one to take the girls to day care.

Teagan was a big help too, she carried in Ashlin’s bottles of milk, and held my hand, while I had the baby in the infant seat and her bag of diapers, wipes and clothes.  I forgot how much stuff you need to bring to day care for a little baby.

First Day

I leave Ashlin and all her stuff by the door to the infant room and walk Teagan to her section of the big room – the big Two’s!  So exciting that mommy is dropping her off.  She has to tell everyone that I’m her mommy – “My mommy!  Teagan’s mommy!”  She’s also excited that her sister is going to be there too and shouting about “Ashlin, right dere!”   She asks for a kiss before I go and get Ashlin settled.  Yay!  I hope she always asks for a kiss before we say goodbye for the day.

Ashlin was a bit more subdued than her older sister.  Curious and confused at first, not sure what was going on.  I give the instructor the quick run down – she sleeps swaddled best, she’s on a routine that’s not quite two hours between naps, three hours between feedings, watch out! she rolls all over, sits well when supported, and can do a tripod sit on her own for about 15 seconds now, she’s grabby and will look for dropped toys, but usually in a good mood and smiles a lot.  I mention that she’s breastfed, so hasn’t gotten many bottles.  As I hand my baby to the instructor, Ashlin breaks down into tears.  I know she doesn’t understand.  I give my baby a big hug and kiss. I don’t cry.  I tell the instructor to call me if there are any issues, and I leave my baby.

It wasn’t easy.  I didn’t cry, although I did get very close. <sigh>

When I got into the car, Melt With You was playing on the radio.  Warm and happy thoughts tried to overcome the sadness.  I missed my baby.

BTW, work sucked.

September 7, 2011

Those eyes!

I have to leave her tomorrow.  I’ve left her before, for a few hours her and there.  A girls night out (yay!), a trip to the store alone (luxury!).  Tomorrow though, I really leave her.  With strangers.  At day care.

With Teagan, it wasn’t easy handing her over to strangers, leaving her, walking away.  The first day was so hard.  But, day by day, it did get easier.  There were less tears in the parking lot in the mornings, until there were none. Bit by bit it got easier.

I’m expecting it to be similar, even though I’ve been home with Ashlin much longer than I was able to be with Teagan.  In a way, Ashlin is lucky, she was home with me longer.  My maternity leave with Teagan was 16 weeks.  This time, I’ve been able to stay home with Ashlin closer to 20 weeks.  (Thank you CT/Fed Law loophole!)  An extra month (almost) home with Ashlin that I didn’t get with Teagan.  More time to snuggle with her, to watch over her as she sleeps, to watch her grow, oh so quickly.  Too quickly.  Time I now wish I was able to have with her older sister.

This time around, I know what to expect, I’ve done it before.  I’m seasoned, a hardened mother.  But still, it won’t be easy for me.  I am not looking forward to walking away from her tomorrow morning.  Leaving my baby.  I know it won’t be easy for her either.  It’s her first time.

 

April 6, 2011

I’m snoring.    I had started not too long before Ashlin was born.  I totally blame the pregnancy.  I always had the nasal congestion, even in the beginning.  Would wake up and have to blow my nose every morning.  I also thought that maybe it was due to the baby weight and extra pregnancy fluid floating around my body. 

I (and Stu too, I’m sure,) had hoped it would go away once I was no longer pregnant. 

Well, it hasn’t. <sigh>

Maybe it’s because I still have the baby weight on, or because I’m only a week postpartum.  It could be due to the anesthesia – Stu said he had heard of some connection to post-operative snoring.

Last night was the first night I’ve been able to sleep on my left side*.  It was still a bit uncomfortable, not due to my hip, but due to my healing abdominal surgery.  Up until last night, I still had to sleep slightly inclined, on my back.

I still snored.

For the second night in a row, Stu went down stairs in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch.

I want this to stop :(

~~~

*  Yay!!  I actually slept on my left hip!  For the first time in months I was able to sleep on my left side.  I think the hip is still not right, but as the Chiro said, it is better without the extra weight in front.

March 31, 2011 ~ Feeding tube :(

Feeding Tube

I found out that Ashlin was indeed in the NICU.  There are four rooms, of increasing levels of severity.  She was in the first room.  The “safest” room.  They put her under the heat lamp and put a small feeding tube in.  I’m not sure why it’s in her mouth and not her nose.  Maybe because they knew it would be very temporary?  Stu might know.

He was sent out of the operating room and he went to go watch our daughter.  He took these pictures and brought them back for me to look at, as I wasn’t allowed out of post-op to go to her.

I’m actually glad (in a way) that I didn’t have to see her this way.  By the time I got there, she was doing so much better.  They weren’t ready to release her, but allowed me to go in, while in the rolling bed, to hold her for the first time.

First time being held by mama