September 13, 2011

I has a bow!

Teagan asked for a bow again this morning.  This time, I was ready.  Not like yesterday when she just melted into tears when I tried to put at least one pony tail (not piggy tails!) in her hair to keep it out of her eyes.

This time, I told her that bows were a two step process, one pony tail to prep the hair, and then the bow.  The bow wouldn’t stay without the pony tail.  This way she left with her hair out of her eyes for at least some of the day.

She loved it.  So excited.  Kept telling Stu that she had a bow, trying to touch it.

She didn’t come home with it.  I really didn’t expect her to.

**

Last night I checked the stats on the blog.  I do like seeing the visitor counter go up and up.  When I did, I saw some disturbing search terms used to hit the blog.  ”Little girl pee herself” was the one that bothered me the most.  Did some sick person find pictures of Teagan?  Is he doing something that will make me shudder thinking about?

I am bothered by “little girls cute face,” as I’m sure that could be from someone just as distasteful as the other search term.  Somehow, it doesn’t have the extreme creep factor of someone looking for a little girl that wet her pants.

Up till yesterday, I never really worried about the pictures I posted, the links I shared, the stories I recounted.  I don’t know if I need to change privacy settings or not.  I do think I will double guess each picture I do upload, each story I share.

I really had hoped that the extreme creepiness that exists would leave me alone, let me play in my corner of the pool without splashing back.  I always did have rose-colored glasses.

I’m just not sure what to do right now.

September 12, 2011

On a Carousel

Yesterday, we had a much more pleasant toddler.  We took her to the fair.  It was fun!  She had fun!  She had her first ever carousel ride.  I put her on the horse – “the white one mama!” and she had fun sitting on it, but then something spooked her, and she wanted down.  It didn’t matter that I told her that I would be holding her the entire time. The horse was high.  This was her first time, she was a bit scared.  Down, mama.  Now, mama.

I was a bit sad that she was scared.  I want her to become a brave, strong woman.  One who’s not scared of a carousel ride.  Or of very little else.  How do you teach bravery?

Hiding my disappointment - hopefully enough! – I quickly suggested the nearby bench.  That was ok, Sort of. It wasn’t as high.  She was definitely not sure if she wanted to ride at all, even though her friend was giggling and bouncing up and down with excitement.  He’s done this before.  She hasn’t.

She had a momentary look of panic in her eyes as the ride started up.  The first few times around, she was very uneasy, unsure if she wanted to be there.  Each time around, I would point out dada, who was on the side with Ashlin, and prompt her to wave.  Eventually, she started looking for him, waving, all on her own.  Before she knew it, she was enjoying it, and having fun!

Baby you can drive my car!

After her eventual success on the carousel, she was a bit braver.  She wanted to go on everything!  Even the rides that were way too big and fast for her.  Her friend, G, wanted to go on this car ride, so she wanted to go too.  He may have been the source of some of her bravery.  That’s ok.  Maybe that’s how you learn how to be brave, you watch your friends.

We let them into the ride.  She wanted the “red one, dada.”  Help get her in, hooked the belt.  Told her to stay sitting until we came back for her.  And off she went.  All by herself.  My big girl.  I was so proud of her for being so big and brave, and then sad she was growing up.  So fast.  She cried when the ride was over, she was having so much fun.

Driving Miss T

She ended up going into the bouncy castle and then on a Caterpillar - Look! Buggy! – ride.  She did not enjoy the caterpillar one as much as the cars.  It was a bit more jerky and a bit faster too.

She wanted to do the car ride again, before her friend had to leave.  Since she had so much fun the first time, how could we say no?  Some kid had taken the red car, so they shared a blue jeep.  G drive.  She loved it.  She waved.

We have to try a carousel again.  Soon.  Maybe this time, she’ll be brave.  All on her own.

August 25, 2011

I went to the dentist today.  Finally.  I’d been putting off finding a new (local) dentist.  And then I got pregnant, and just really didn’t want to deal with it, along with everything else.  And the blood thinners.  As nice as the former dentist was, I really didn’t want to sit in the car for a longish drive for a cleaning.  It would give me too much time to think about actually being at the dentist, and that is not necessarily a good thing.  (Although, I’d almost always be guaranteed a great lunch companion afterwards as a reward).  So, I wanted to find someone local. Until last week (I think) I hadn’t really been too concerned about it.  (Yes, we had been paying for twice yearly cleanings that we haven’t done.  I know, I know!)

Last week changed things.  Playing with Teagan, she knocked her hard little head into my jaw, and I was worried that I had chipped a tooth or broken a filling.  I couldn’t put it off much longer.

So, I finally get my act together and ask around, do a little googling.  A little more than closing my eyes and pointing at a name in the phone book.

Today was my appointment.  It went pretty well, actually.  I didn’t have the Ren & Stimpy root beaver nightmare, or the Little Shop Of Horrors scene go through my head.  I was relatively calm and not too anxious about the appointment.  Yay me!  I’m not over my fear, but it was something that wasn’t too bad.  Today anyway.

I had chipped a filling, two actually.  Top and bottom teeth, one right above the other.  The x-rays showed that there wasn’t any decay or other damage, so we’ll be able to just laser the surface a little and patch it.  Which sounds awesome to me.  Gums were also pretty good, considering that it’s been just over a year since my last cleaning.  No new cavities!  Double Yay!  And the crown is doing just fine.

The filling repair is early next week.  I’m not sure I’ll be as laisse-faire about this.  I may need the Valium the former dentist prescribed :)

~~

LOL!  Shut the front door!  They said “sheep dip” on the Mentalist tonight instead of saying something more rude.  Sheep dip!  What a Hoboken!

August 3, 2011

OMG!  They’re remaking the movie that terrified me as a kid.  The movie that haunted me, that gave me nightmares well into my 20′s, and also my 30′s, if i’m brutally honest.

It also started my need to watch other horror  movies, to see as many as I could.  Home, alone.  To read them.  To be stronger than I felt.  To not be scared.

This movie that had me jumping at shadows.  The movie that had me sleeping with my hands (and feet) under the covers for years.  You know.  If your hands are even the tiniest bit exposed from under the protection of the blanket, they get you.  If the sheets aren’t tight, they could get in.  I thought they would come get me.  And drag me into the fireplace.

I still don’t like loose sheets.  They need to be nice and tight and tucked in.  No drafts.  No way for little demonic creatures to get in.

I never remembered the name of this movie, I don’t think I ever knew it.  The scene that haunted me the most was the bathroom scene.  By the vicious little creatures attacking the wife, with a razor, using pin-like things as swords.  They were definitely not the Borrowers.

Disembodied voices calling out, from seemingly everywhere and nowhere.  Voices that make you look over your shoulder as you sit in a room.

I’m not sure if I’m happy they’re doing a remake, or terrified.  But because of the trailer I saw last night, I now know what the movie is called.  It’s called Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.

Although I didn’t know it, it was a made for TV movie.  It always seemed to be on TV growing up – the ABC evening movie on Saturdays, (or was it Sundays?) and sometimes the afternoon matinee.  I know at least one babysitter let me watch it.  Once, I snuck down and watched TV late at night after the rest of the house was asleep, and this movie was on.  (This was when we actually had a TV).  Watching this movie was a regret.  Almost every single time.  Still.  I couldn’t get enough of it.  That and some movie with a voodoo doll.

I don’t know if I’ll go see the remake.  It may not be a good idea.  To be fair, it looks like Guellermo del Toro has made it super creepy, even if he changed it a bit.  But he got the voice right.

For years, I didn’t live in a house with a fireplace.

This house has a fireplace.

July 2, 2011

We went to see some fireworks last night.  Started the evening with a picnic dinner on the grass.  Teagan really enjoyed it, she got to triple and quadruple dip her carrots in the veggie dip.  Stu and I decided that it was her dip.  LOL!

There was music too, and Teagan just couldn’t sit still.  She wanted to dance!  It was hard to get her to slow down enough to eat dinner.

She had a blast listening to the Military band play march songs.  They even played Menomena!  After the band was over, there was a DJ before.

She was so tired by the time the DJ came on (she didn’t nap at day care, but fell asleep in the car on the way over, so we waited about 30 minutes before heading out to let her sleep!) that she was down to a polite golf clap:

I wish the fireworks had started earlier, she was so tired.  At first she was scared.  ”No dada!” for the first blast.  ”All dun!” along with a frantic sign for emphasis at the second boom.  But at the third one, “Twinkle stars!!”

She loved them!  ”Boom boom boom!”

“Bang bang!”

“More!”

Honey, I wish I could make them shoot off some more.  Maybe tomorrow.

Ashlin was awake (!) for quite a bit.  She fell asleep before the fireworks started, woke up during them and cried a bit for the last few launches.  Sleep returned as soon as the booms stopped.

Getting Sleepy

June 25, 2011

We had good friends visit and stay over night.  Yay!  So nice to see them again.  They live in PA, so we don’t get to see them anywhere near often enough.

It was a good visit, with laughs and games and funny stories from back when we were young and stupid.  And cranky kids (mine) and helpful kids (hers).  And new funny stories:

We were nearing the end of dinner and Teagan was quickly turning into a whining, very tired mess – she hadn’t napped at day care.  Again.

She had started the meal out cheerful enough, gleefully trying to make everyone laugh.  Thomas and Katie are a good audience for her antics.  In telling the story about why Cookie Monster doesn’t have a nose Teagan gleefully explained to all that he ate it! Nom, Nom, Nom!

But eventually  she started unraveling.  Distractions and cute stories lost their power.  Rich was tried to distract her, tried to make her laugh.  Father of Teagan’s two audience members, he has experience!  As some of her play food was on the table, Rich picked up the pickle and did that magic trick (like with quarters) and pulled it out of her ear.  The first time he did it, she was distracted by someone (Thomas?) and she didn’t quite catch what happened.  He did it again, and this time, Teagan was paying attention.  She completely freaked.  Her eyes went huge.  She put her hand on her ear and turned to look at Rich.  Tears started leaking out, and her lower lip quivered.  Rich didn’t quite notice and started to do it again.  She started crying louder and basically ran to Stu and buried her head in his chest.

At first we were laughing – it is a good joke, and she was talking about eating Cookie Monster’s nose a little earlier.  But seeing how upset Teagan was, we quickly tried to reassure her that everything was ok.  She left Stu and came to me.  She spent the next 10 minutes or so with her head buried in my shoulder.  I felt horrible, laughing while she was so visibly horrified.  Rich felt bad too.  We assured the two of them that everything was ok.  That he really hadn’t pulled the pickle from her ear, and that he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Teagan went to bed very soon after that, and we had a good night playing Apples to Apples.

Today, Teagan called Rich “Mr. Pickle Man” and was a little reserved around him, but generally ok.

Ashlin was fussy – had a crying jag – and slept.  At least they got to see her a little bit, and she smiled at them.

After they left, Teagn came up to me and tried to pull a pickle out of my ear.  And laughed.

PS.  Updated the “Things I Never Thought I Would Say“

June 14, 2011

Friday:

We had a thunderstorm move in quickly.  The sky turned pitch black in minutes.  You could see the storm line.  I rushed home and was able to get the baby in before the sky opened.  Stu dashed out to get Teagan.  We were a bit concerned that she may freak out if one of us wasn’t there.  There were at least two roads blocked with large, broken, tree branches.  There was hail – out by us it was very small.

We needn’t have worried.  Teagan was fascinated with the storm.  She loved it!  ”Boom, boom, boom.  Mr. Brown is a wonder!  Boom, boom, boom!  Mr. Brown makes thunder!“

“Dibble, dibble, dibble dop!”

She was upset there wasn’t another storm on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday:

We had a birthday party to go to.  I forgot my camera.  Imagine a picture of Teagan in a blue polka dot dress.  We had a great time!  Ashlin slept in her car seat, which we put under the appetizer table.  Teagan had a blast playing with N’s toys.  She figured out how to work this night light thing to make it change colors.  She fell in love with this fold up chair he had – with a fox design on it.*

Just about cupcake and singing time, she asked to go take a nap.  A moment to record, “no nap!” is her new theme song.  When she wakes up in the morning, she will say “no nap!”  Any time we tell her that it will be nap time soon, “no nap!”  She will nap, but this is one of her mantras.

After her nap, she played for awhile, then asked to sit on her potty. I took her bloomers and diaper off and sat by her.  Stu got us a bunch of books and we sat and read for a bit.  Her dress kept getting in the way, so I took it off.  After she decided she was done (and didn’t go), she refused to let me put the dress back on.  Ok.  No big deal.  We let her play in her diaper and sandals.  Yes, a blackmail picture was taken.  There is also video.

Sunday:

A local nursery had a butterfly release that we went to.  Teagan’s been absolutely obsessed with bugs – buggies! – lately.**  It was a bit cold and overcast so the butterflies weren’t very active, but they did fly out and Teagan was excited and clapped.  We looked for a few more butterflies, as the nursery had a bunch of butterfly-attracting plants around.  Teagan got super happy when she found one, or found a bumble bee.  Yay buggies!  Ashlin slept.  Again.

 

~~

* I found a child’s size fold up chair at Target, but it didn’t have the cute fox on it.  Her head exploded with the happy.

** So, it’s more like a personality tick.  It started about two weeks ago or so.  She’ll say she has buggies on her feet, legs, arms, hands, food tray, floor, wall.  We have to assure her that there aren’t any bugs on her or in the house.  That those are crumbs or lint or something.  It’s not fear, she’s not scared of them.  She tripped after her birthday party and instead of crying got distracted by an ant.   LOL!  She just doesn’t want them inside – they need to be outside (“yes, ouside.” nod, nod, nod).

March 21, 2011

So, today’s news wasn’t good.  The placenta hasn’t moved, and probably won’t.  It’s still marginal.  Even if it moves a lot, there’s still the issue of all the blood vessels that are there, and cross the opening of the cervix.  No escaping it, I will be having a c-section.

Visit to the High-Risk people was a bit odd today.  They did everything backwards.  I met with the doctor first, when I usually see them after the ultrasound, so there’s something more to discuss.  The doctor was nice enough.  Asked how I was doing, checked swelling, recommended unisom for my sleeping trouble – but nothing for the pain.  It’s the pain that’s keeping me up, not just a simple insomnia.  Then, the conversation sort of floundered – He didn’t check the baby’s position, we couldn’t discuss birthing options, as we didn’t know where the placenta was.  I, of course, had questions after the ultrasound, but didn’t have a doctor then to talk to.

Then I got to sit with the nurse to have heparin training.  I’m being switched to heparin from Lovenox.  The heparin is two shots a day, and you need to fill the syringes, they don’t come pre-filled like the Lovenox do.  I hate doing the shots, but if I have a choice, Lovenox is the preferred shot.  Rum or lemon drops would be better, but that’s a different story.

The heparin training went well.  I remembered most of it from last time.  I joked that she prescribed me 100 needles and 60 doses/vials.  Better safe than sorry.  I’m sure they’ll put me back on Lovenox after delivery anyway.  This time around, they can actually take the extra doses of heparin and Lovenox, and get them to people who need them but can’t afford their medication.  There wasn’t something like that last time.  That makes me feel good…  Sort of recycling for drugs.  LOL.

Finally, the ultrasound tech is ready for me.  Back we go.  I get situated on the table and she lubes up my belly.  Scanner on!  She confirms that the baby is indeed head down, and her feet and hands are off to my right – around 3:00.  The little one is still a bit oblique, but yay!  Head down!  Next, off in search of the placenta, which is still covering the cervix.  Wonderful. 

By this time my back is beginning to scream.  The tech notices I’m very uncomfortable.  I ask if I can sit up for a minute and she said it was fine.  We chat about babies, and sizes and things.  I tell her about how I can’t sleep on my left or even reclined thanks to my stupid hip.  That I get to go to the chiro after we’re done there.  We start off again, as she said she could get most of the measurements while I lay on my right side.  Oh, the relief!

An ear with hair

Watching the measurements on the screen was a bit freaky.  They were all 2-3 weeks ahead.  This baby has become freakishly large again.  A watermelon.  LOL.  She’s back up in the low 90th percentile.  As the tech gets a head measurement, she comments that the baby has a lot of hair.  LOL.  That explains the almost non-stop heartburn.  Though Teagan had a bit of hair, and I had horrible heartburn with her too.

We then take a break, and swap to the wand to get a good view of the placenta previa.  Fun.  LOVE that wand.  A resident comes in to evaluate the situation.  Marginal.  Still.  Great.  The resident then calls a doctor in to confirm.  The two of them discuss, remeasure, discuss.  All the while my back is killing me.  After about 20 minutes, they have enough shots of my cervix and the placenta.  His recommendation is to do a c-section, scheduled at 37.5 weeks.  Amnio before hand to check out lung development. 

Crap!  That’s next week!

Measurements for this not-so-little one put her at 7.5 lbs at 36 weeks.  In four weeks she’ll be quite large.  Mid 11 pounds.  I may be happy for a c-section in the long run.  LOL!

Truth be told, I’m a little freaked out.  I called my OB to set up an appointment tomorrow to discuss things with an OB, they’ll be the ones that actually do the section, not the people I saw today.  I’ll be able to ask all sorts of questions, and maybe I’ll come out of the appointment with an actual date.

Is it the birth I want?  No.  But circumstances are what they are.  It’s not because of anything I did, or didn’t do.

October 29, 2009

I hate the dentist.  Can I say that?  I’ve had conversations with my dentist about how I hate sitting in the chair being poked and scraped and prodded.  About how I LOVE the way my teeth feel when they’re done, cleanings are soooo worth it. 

Fillings on the other hand.  Well, they’re worth it too, but they’re a thousand times worse.  Filled with anxiety, unease, unfounded fear.  I don’t sleep well before fillings.  I’ll get the Ren & Stimpy “Root Beaver” stinky gum holes nightmare or dreams of Steve Martin as the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors and I’m Bill Murray.  I’ll dream that all my teeth are falling out or are made of glass and just shatter.  My dentist hasn’t seen Ren & Stimpy but she does know about Steve Martin. It makes her laugh.  :o

Can you tell I had a dentist appointment today?  For a filling? 

My dentist is actually pretty cool.  She tries to make cleanings and other work as painless as possible.  She has massaging chairs, movies with headphones, paraffin hand treatments.  She will give you gas if you ask.  She has sonic drills and that cleaner-scraper thing.  She will prescribe Valium if you are really that anxious about being there.  I am.  I’ll admit it.  Valium before the appointment – only fillings, not cleanings! – helps me tremendously.

I took one today.  (It’s supposed tobe a “not bad once in a while while breastfeeding, but don’t take it all the time that would be bad” drug).

I’m glad I did.  The filling I needed done was a small one, barely a cavity.  She wanted to get it before it became an issue, before it grew.  Ok.  I’m all for less drilling, less jamming filling stuff in the hole, less pain. 

Afterward, however, the fun started.  (Yes, that is sarcasm).  She said that she had reviewed my x-rays, (she wasn’t there during the cleaning), and said that I need a crown.  Other than my wisdom teeth extraction, this will be my first “major” work.  I have no idea how I’ll be able to deal with that.  Supposedly, it will be better than some of the fillings I’ve had replaced – less drill time, not as deep, not as painful.  Yeah.  I don’t know if I believe her.  I wonder if I can be knocked out?

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

PS.  I seem to have already spoken of my dentist, Steve Martin and the Root Beaver…  here

July 17, 2009

zzzzzzz…

Teagan sleeps like this all the time in her car seat.  I’m amazed that she doesn’t get a crick in her neck!  I can see her while I drive through a mirror on the back of the passenger seat.  I freak out a bit that she might somehow stop breathing – the angle of her head will block her windpipe or something.  It can’t be that crazy… I can’t be the only parent that freaks out about thinks like this…  It can’t be that far out of the realm of possibility…

We got back from our second long car trips – a stay for a few days with the grandparents as Stu was away on a business trip to Toronto.  So, yet another chance to freak out.

It was a lovely visit – surprisingly.  No arguments or short tempers with the parents.  Mom finally changed a diaper as well!  She was a wonderful person and offered to take care of Teagan over night, on both Monday and Tuesday night.  Heaven!  Although she sleeps very well – almost all night – getting up to feed her is draining.  It was so nice to sleep 8 hours or so with out needing to get up.  Granted, I needed to pump badly by the time I did wake up, (over 300ml too!) but still, the sleep was wonderful!  I totally owe my mom, and probably dad, for the short child-rearing vacation.

Teagan and I returned on Wednesday, had a lonely night.  She was a bit off her game – got up every 1.5-2 hours or so.  Even with the lack of sleep I got a lot accomplished on Thursday.  Kept busy, so I didn’t notice how empty the house was.  Stu and Bella were conspicuously absent.  I ended up falling asleep on the sofa waiting for Stu to get back.  I slept much better once he got in.